Hol. Report 4: Christmas

"Hol" stands for Holiday.


Merry Christmas readers! Watch this: Happy Holidays. Blaa! Choke! Cough! Struggling to breath! Slowly regaining composure... That's better. Just don't say that near me. It's awful. Anyway, you all know what Christmas is really about, but there are still many who think the true meaning of Christmas is getting presents. Now I'll be honest, sometimes I forget the true meaning of Christmas too in the excitement of getting presents.

Usually with presents, the legend of Santa Claus isn't far behind. Where did the name Santa Claus come from? Well, here's my guess. It's a Spanish legend. There was a tiger saint called Claws. It was a female, so it wasn't called San(Spanish masculine form for the word "saint"), but Santa(Spanish feminine form for the word "saint"). Therefore the name "Santa Claws". One day, a newspaper reporter decided to introduce Saint Claws to the American people. But he misspelled it... Santa Clause. Eventually the "e" was dropped off and it got mixed up with Saint Nicholas. Therefore, the name Santa Claus was born!

Well, that's my theory. I don't really have anything special to say for Christmas except that it's rather weird that people say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. Why do they so ardently oppose saying Merry Christmas? Because Christmas has the word "Christ" in it. So they frantically searched for an alternative. The result: Happy Holidays. Now you know.

Another substitute for the truth of Christmas is the true meaning of it. If you watch just three Christmas specials (not including the hallmark channel) on TV, you'll find that they say the true meaning of Christmas is togetherness with family and friends. While that isn't a bad thing, is it a good substitute? No, not just because it excludes Jesus, but because that doesn't apply to everyone. If someone's an orphan, or a starving child in Africa, they don't have any friends and family, do they? So their "true meaning of Christmas" doesn't apply to them. The true meaning of Christmas is something that everyone can experience no matter what their external situation is. They could be poor or rich, sick or well, orphaned or friendless, and still be able to experience the true meaning of Christmas. Even if they're too poor to pay for presents, they can still celebrate the greatest gift of all, Jesus's sacrifice.

As long as you remember what Christmas is really about, you can still have a great Christmas, no matter what. And that lasts longer than any other substitute people may come up with. Christmas celebrates the day Jesus was born to conquer the world. Not like any other earthly ruler, conquering only land, but truly conquering. When Jesus made that sacrifice, he conquered all sickness, broken hearts, bitter anger, and more importantly, sin. That's more than any human could conquer. And I believe that deserves to be commemorated. Merry Christmas! And God bless you all!
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Did You Know? Fact 7

And now... it's time for... Did You Know?

Fact 7: Did you know that the stripes on the Christmas candy cane are symbols of Jesus's sacrifice? You know, "But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed," Isaiah 53:5.

Here's some other food for thought. While many people deny that Jesus ever existed, they are still dependent upon His birth in the respect that the calender is based on it. The year 2008 is approximately 2008 years from the day Jesus was born. And archaeologists need the division of B.C (Before Christ) and A.D (annō Dominī, in the year of our Lord), even though they deny that Jesus was born!


Well... you know it now! And don't forget it!
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DS Report 14: Good Penguins vs. Bad Penguins

This is no ordinary story. Like many of my other stories, it's about penguins. Unlike my other stories, it's about penguins. This continues from the previous blog, so you'd better read that one first. Here it is.

President Maximus was reading the Penguin Daily newspaper when his chinstrap penguin secretary entered. He handed the president a manila envelope and left without a word. The envelope was stamped "Eyes only for the President". Intrigued, the president opened it. It only contained one page. It said,

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Eyes only for the President

Urgent Alert!

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1. The PTO (Penguin Terrorist Organization) have been seen gathering on an Pacific island codenamed "Cobrapenguin".

2. Satellite images show that they have tanks, aircraft, and ships. Our spies report that they may have nuclear weapons.

3. We believe that they are planning a strike on Terrapenguin, Hawaii, and parts of mainland California.

4. Requesting authorization to attack "Cobrapenguin".

5. If no. 4 is denied, requesting that the United States of America be informed and allowed to take action. Preferably nuclear action.

6. Satellite images of "Cobrapenguin" follow.

7. Sorry. Wrong pictures. Cool Marine symbol, though. Here are the real pictures:

8. Have a nice day.

He put down the paper, thought for a moment, and then picked up his red phone. He pushed the button, waited two seconds for a voice, then heard, "Secretary of War, sir."

The president got right to the point, "Get the ships ready. Tell the army to go to Penguin Harbor ASAP. It's time for an amphibious assault. Oh, and contact the Americans, we may need their assistance. g

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Penguin Harbor

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Private Pengy, an adelie penguin, marched with 23 other penguins to the amphibious transport. He and his squad were going to be among the first to land on Cobrapenguin. Those six squads' objective were to cripple the island's radar, communications, and fuel depots before the main attack.

While it was a great honor, it was the most dangerous part of the job. They were going to be outnumbered and outgunned the entire time. The only help they were going to have was a recon plane codenamed "Fuegopenguin". It was an unmanned aircraft scheduled to provide intelligence. The island was full of trees, so satellites wouldn't give very good images.

If all was successful, the enemy wouldn't realize what happened until the attack began... a few hours later.

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The island of Cobrapenguin...

Feathers Beach...

g Operation Sneaky Penguin had begun...
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The amphibious transport landed on Feather's Beach at 0113 hours (1:13 AM). After unloading 24 penguins, the transport headed back to the aircraft carrier. Lieutenant Beaky gathered everyone around him and said, "All right, everyone. We've got a job to do. Team Alpha, you destroy communications tower 1, and then destroy Fuel Depot D. Team Charlie, destroy Fuel Depot A and E. Team Echo, destroy Fuel Depot C and communications tower. Rendezvous back here at 0300 hours (3:00 AM). Move out!

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When the other teams left, Lieutenant Beaky turned to his team and said, "Team Bravo, we'll handle the radar facility and Fuel Depot B. Watch for my flipper signals. (Hand signals). 'Fuegopenguin' should be flying over this sector in a few minutes. When it does, I want corporal Wheezy to radio in for intel. Any questions? Good. Move out!"

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Team Bravo traveled through the jungle for a few minutes when they heard machine gun fire in the distance. Lieutenant Beaky signalled for everyone to be quiet. Then he whispered, "Fuegopenguin should be flying over any moment now. Corporal Wheezy, turn on the radio. We need to be ready for..."

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He was cut off when Fuegopenguin flew over them just 20 yards off the ground. It was on fire. They soon heard a resounding crash. Lieutenant Beaky turned to his troops and said, "Looks like we're going in alone, boys."

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A worried private spoke up. "Without intel., who knows what lies ahead."

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As soon as he said it, a burst of machine gun fire burst over their heads. Lieutenant Beaky ducked and said, "Everyone get to cover! Private Pengy! Help me out! Covering fire!"

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Pengy fired his submachine gun rapidly into the bushes, giving his squadmates time to get to cover. After that, they both got to cover. Then he heard someone yell, "I throwing a grenade! Take cover!"

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A boom followed, then silence. Lieutenant Beaky signaled everyone to assemble. Then he said, "Don't worry, we haven't been discovered. We just ran into a PTO patrol. I want no noise at all. Flipper signals only. Conserve your strength. We have a couple more miles until we reach the radar facility.

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The jungle.

Less than a quarter of a mile

from the radar facility...

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They had been walking for about a half an hour. Pengy knew they were getting close. Soon he heard some talking in the distance. As he got closer, he was able to make out the words:

"No, the cheese ruins the sandwich."

"What do you mean? What's a sandwich without the cheese?"

"It tastes funny."

"Okay, stop talking about cheese. Have the patrols arrived, yet? It's time for the next shift."

"All but one. Patrol 4. It's 15 minutes late. Should we send a search party?"

"No. Let's wait a little longer. They could still come."

Lieutenant Beaky turned to his squad and said, "All right, we have to make this quick. We'll lay down some covering fire while Private Rico sets the explosive charges on the radar. After Rico returns, we high-tail it out of here. Understood?"

Everyone nodded.

"Good. Wait for my signal."

He waited for the penguins to get in position, then yelled, "Suppressing fire!"

Rico jumped out of the bushes and darted toward the radar. As the penguins fired, the enemy penguins called for the troops. Soon we heard a ripple of clink-clink's. Lieutenant Beaky yelled, "Get down! Grenade!"

Several boom's followed. Then silence. Private Pengy wondered if anyone made it. He stuck to his training and lay still. Then he heard some penguins saying,

"I think we got 'em."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, no penguin can lay that still."

"Should we search?"

"Throw a few grenades first."

A few seconds later, he heard another boom. Then the enemy penguins started yelling and screaming to get to cover, Pengy, on impulse, got up and started shooting randomly at the enemy. Private Rico came through the bushes toward him and said, "Thanks for the covering fire. I wasn't sure if my grenade would be enough."

Pengy looked at him in surprise and said, "That was you? I thought they threw it."

Just then, Lieutenant Beaky and the other 3 penguins got up. Pengy was relieved that they were all alive. Lieutenant Beaky signaled them to follow him and ran in the opposite direction of the radar facility. After they had gone a few minutes, they heard an explosion in the distance. The time bomb Rico set had gone off.

Lieutenant Beaky turned to his squad and said, "Well done, boys. Let's head for the fuel depot. First, let me call the rest of the teams. Private Wheezy, hand me the radio. Wheezy handed Beaky the radio, and Beaky radioed in. "Team Alpha, what's your status, over?"

The squad commander replied, "We destroyed communications tower 1 and Fuel Depot D. We're heading back to the beach, over."

Lieutenant Beaky said, "Excellent. Over and out." Then he radioed in a different frequency.

"Team Charlie, what's your status, over?"

"We've destroyed Fuel Depot A. We're now moving toward Fuel Depot E, over."

"Roger that. Over and Out." Pengy tried to pick his nose, but he didn't have one. Lieutenant Beaky tuned into Team Echo's frequency.

"Team Echo, have you destroyed your objectives, over?"

"Yes, sir. And we've discovered that our maps are inaccurate. Fuel Depot C, our target, is actually only one mile away from your target, Fuel Depot B. WE destroyed it also. Heading back to the beach, over."

"Copy that. We're heading back to the beach. Over and out." Pengy tried to scractch his ears, but he didn't have those either.

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The Cirlular Office.

President Penguinus Maximus.

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Maximus's secretary passed him two more pages of notices. After the secretary left, he looked at the first one:

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Highly Classified

Diplomatic Notice

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1. Hundreds of zoos across America are willing to take any captured PTO penguins.

2. The Americans can spare 30 U.S. Marines to herd the penguins into an American cargo ship.

3. The Americans have one nuclear missile ready if the situation gets dire.

4. Happy Birthday.

5. Wait, it's not your birthday.

6. Happy Thanksgiving.

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Maximus thought, "Great. Now we won't have to squeeze over 500 penguins into our small jail. Suffocation would be a problem. Hmm... Happy Thanksgiving... a little late... or early... depending on when you read this."

He turned to the other page:

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Top Secret

Secret Files

1. The PTO acquired its weapons from numerous terrorist organizations.

2. A list of these organizations, their leaders, and their locations is on the island of Cobrapenguin.

3. Nuclear action is discouraged, as the list could be destroyed.

4. Suggesting that you continue with the original plan. Operation Snake Killer.

5. Can I borrow your tic-tacs?

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He picked up his red phone and waited for an answer.

"Hello, sir. Can I borrow those tic-tacs?"

"Tell General Skipper to continue with Operation Snake Killer. And tell the Americans to send their marines ASAP."

"Okay. Uh, sir? Can I have the tic-tacs? I forgot to brush my teeth this morning."

He sighed and said, "Fine, you can have the tic-tacs... wait! Penguins don't have teeth!"

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Epilogue

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The operation was a complete success. The PTO was all but destroyed. Small remnants of resistance still existed, but they posed no large threat. 2nd Lieutenant Beaky was promoted to 1st Lieutenant and given the silver star for the success of operation Sneaky Penguin. Private Pengy was promoted to corporal and joined the Bureau of Experienced and Advanced Kommandos. Private Rico joined the bomb squad and was given the bronze star for bravery at the radar installation. President Penguinas Maximus was reelected the next year. Of the 500 penguins delivered to American zoos, 29 escaped and headed for Zimbabwe, Puerto Rico, and Mozambique. The marines who saw to the delivery of the enemy penguins were all promoted to make up for the ridiculous assignment.

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Note: The satellite photos were courtesy of me and Alisa San Vicente.

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DS Report 13: The Rise of the Penguins

The Renegade Penguin Part 2: The Rise of the Penguins.
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As told in Downright Silly Report 12, the renegade penguin was sent to the San Diego Seaworld Penguin Exhibit for ten years. And now, I will tell you what happened on September 22, 2007. My little brother Joshua had his first birthday. But more importance to the story, the Great Penguin Escape occurred. It was the biggest and most successful escape from an animal exhibit since the Armadillo Escape of 1995. Fifteen armadillos escaped, but only two made out of the zoo. They were later recovered in Zimbabwe, Africa.
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But this was different. 50 penguins, 22 puffins, and 13 sea turtles escaped on September 22, 2007. They escaped by building a tunnel that connected the penguin exhibit and the puffin exhibit to the outdoor sea turtle exhibit. When a 85 marine animals suddenly poured out from a hole in the turtle exhibit... pandemonium.
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The Sea World employees quickly grabbed their nets and turned on the homing devices attached to each animals' tag. All 22 puffins and 13 sea turtles were recovered. However, the penguins were smart enough to remove their tags. Eight penguins were captured. The rest made it out and stole mini-vans, SUV's, and field-trip school buses.
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The remaining 42 penguins took over Coronado island and established their own republic. Since Sea World had payed millions of dollars to the American Penguin Factory for the last 42, the United States military wasn't authorized to use nuclear weapons. The penguins called their country, Terrapenguin, after the land where the American Penguin Factory was originally located. Unfortunately, the Renegade Penguin rigged the election and established a dictatorship. Common penguins were denied pilot's and sailor's licences, keeping the penguins trapped on the island. Only the SPP (Secret Penguin Police) were allowed common rights. But the common penguins rose up against the evil dictator and established a representative government.
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The first president, Penguinus Maximus, retained good relations with the Americans and paid Sea World for the lost penguins. In an effort to make up with the Americans, who now had no reason to not nuke the penguins, he allowed certain parts of his land to be used by American businesses. Such businesses are: Buck Research Facility in Penguinville, Aardvark Enterprises, in Feathersburg, Babies Inc. in Albino, and Turtle Co. in San Pico. Because of this, the Penguins have avoided destruction.
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The Renegade Penguin is now spending ten years in the Terrapenguin Country Jail. This is how the country of Terrapenguin was born. This is a history of... the rise of the penguins.
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Note: There's Terrapenguin, the country, with the capital in Penguinville, and there's Terrapenguin, the city, in the country of the Republic of Joshua. You may be wondering, "Where is the Republic of Joshua?". Well, that's a story to be told another day. Right now, I've got to go read my book. I only have 35 minutes left. Wait, only have 34 minutes left. Hope you enjoyed this blog.
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Did You Know? Fact 6

And now.. It's time for... Did You Know?


Fact 6: Did you know that the process of how Texas became a state was an undeniable act of Providence? Let me tell you about it. This is a story about an Indiana farmer named Jameson Shoemaker. Although it's about an Indiana farmer, to tell the story the best way, I'm beginning in the year 1845, Texas...

The office of Sam Houston,
president of Texas...

Sam watched the road impatiently, waiting for a rider. That rider would be carrying a very important message that could change the lives of everyone in Texas. While Sam was staring out the window, his secretary, by the name of Jim Burns, came to him and said, "Here's the document grantin' the 24 penguins to Texas for use as bowling pins, sir. Uh, sign here."

Sam turned from the window and signed the document, after which he re-glued his eyes to the window. Mr. Burns noticed this and asked, "Something the matter, sir? If you're waiting for the rider, I can tell you now, standing and watching won't make it happen any faster."

"I know, Burns. But I wanna know the minute he arrives..."
"Too late, he already made it da the door."
"How'd you come by that?"
"Why, he just knocked, didn't ya hear?"
"No," Sam chuckled. "I guess I didn't. Let's see him in, shall we?"
Sam opened the door to a tired young man. Sam smiled and said, "Greetin's, I'm President Sam Houston. And you are?"
"I'm Phil Mannings, sir, and I b'lieve yers be wantin' this here message."
Sam nodded and said, "Go git yerself somethin' to eat and rest. It looks like you've had quite a journey."

Phil frowned and said, "Beggin' yer pardon, sir, but... well, I'm a Texan, too."
Sam chuckled and said, "Good man. Let's read yer message." Mr. Burns interjected, "S'cuse me, sir, but thars quite a crowd waitin' for the news as well. Theys all gathered in front of this very buildin' as we speak."
Sam raised an eyebrow and said, "Well, wadda'ya know. Looks like we have more people to tell about this than ourselves. Let's go."

Outside, the crowd cheered when Sam Houston came out with the message. Sam took a deep breath and said loudly, "My friends, because this message is importance to all of us, I didn't feel right about reading it alone. So I, like you, will be reading this for the very first time."
Sam unrolled the paper and read aloud, "To the honorable Sam Houston, I bring you greetings from Washington to Texas, the 28th, and newest state in the Union!" He paused while the crowd cheered.

Sam continued, "He goes on to say, 'When we meet next, I will tell you the many miraculous events surrounding this momentous occasion, but I must tell you of one now. Senator Harragin, a man I believed to be against us, cast is vote in our favor. When the votes were counted, Texas had indeed become a state by a margin of one vote! I don't know why Harragin cast his vote for Texas statehood, I only thank God for it. As should all citizens of the new state of Texas.'!"

But wait, Harragin was a senator, naturally his vote is going to make a
difference. But what about the local representatives?
We now move back a few years back to the state
of Indiana. It was during a state legislature vote.

Madison Marsh sighed and said, "John, Tyler, you are my advisers. It's time for you two to earn your money. Who do you think I should vote for?"
John spoke first. "Well, I believe it's obvious. The new Indiana senator should be Zummwald."
Tyler, shocked, said, "Zummwald! He's a crook. He stole 55 penguins from the South Carolina Penguin Factory last summer and blamed it on an unknown 36-year old man name Abraham Lincoln! He cannot be trusted! That is why you should vote for Rothchild."
John interjected, "Rothchild?!"
Tyler shot back, "Yes, Rothchild! He certainly has more political experience than Zummwald."
"Yes, but he's against everything we stand for. With Zummwald, he will protect our state..." "And then steal right from under our noses! Sir, I beg you, vote for Rothchild!"
"Zummwald, sir! Vote for Zummwald!"

"That's enough," said Madison. "I think you're forgetting there's another choice: Harragin."
Tyler and John both chuckled. John spoke next. "Harragin untried, untested. No one knows what his views are..."
Tyler interrupted. "That is exactly why you should vote for Rothchild."
Before either of them could speak, a man yelled, "It's time to vote! It's time to vote! Everyone take their seats!"
Madison got up and said, "Thank you, gentlemen. I now know exactly who to cast my ballot for."

After everyone voted, a man got up and said, "I counted the votes and there seems to be a problem. We're locked in a three-way tie. Since Mr. Sneezy is ill, and Mr. Grumpy is absent, the deciding vote falls to you, Mr. Marsh. What do you say?"

Madison got up, took a deep breath and said, "I have given this matter great thought, and I choose... Harragin.

Amazing, huh? But what about a normal person?
Does their vote matter? It's time to come to the main
character of this story: Jameson Shoemaker.

Jameson was plowing in his fields one day when he heard yelling. It was his neighbor Reynolds. Jameson stopped plowing and said, "What are you doing here? And why are yelling like a Slovakian gorilla?"
Reynolds stopped yelling and said, "You know me, I always get this way on 'Lection Day!"
"Getting some early celebrating?"
"Beg pardon?"
"Election Day is not until tomorrow, Reynolds!"
"Now, I don't doubt your word none, but if ain't Election Day, there sure a lot of folks in town voting for no reason."
"What!? You sure?"
"Sure I'm sure. Cast one of the ballots myself."
"It's Election Day and I'm still out here plowing. Can you do me a favor, Reynolds?"
"Oh, sure, anything. I'd like to redeem my title as a Slovakian gorilla."
"Help be put my plow back to the barn. I gotta get to town!"

In town, at the polls...

Peter and Walter sat at the polls waiting for anymore voters. Walter complained, "Why can't we leave now?"
Peter answered, "We still got five minutes. Da poll is supposed ta close at 5:00. It is now 4:55, if we close now, we'd be breaking da rules."
"But I've already counted all the votes, nobody else is going to come. Besides we're all out of ballots."
"That don't matter one little bit. We gotta keep dis poll open until 5:00. And 5:00 is how long dis poll is going to stay open."
"I'm telling ya, no one else is coming."

Just then, Jameson ran in and said, "Am I too late?"
Peter smiled and said, "No, sir. You surely ain't."
Walter scowled and said, "But we ain't got no more official ballots."
Jameson, still panting, said, "Well, what do we do, then?
Peter looked up from his rule book and said, "Da rule book don't say nothing about the ballot having to be official. Here, take this piece of paper and write the name of da one you wanna vote for."
Walter spoke next. "Can you write?"
Jameson answered indignantly, "Yes, I can."
After he wrote down his vote, Peter announced, "And just in time, this poll is now officially closed."
Walter muttered, "It's about time. Here, give it here."
Peter sat up straight and said, "No, ya don't!"
Walter looked at Peter and said, "You slapped my hand! What did you do that fer?"
"You know as well as I do that that ain't official procedure. All votes gotta go in the ballot box."
"But that's just silly. I'm the one who takes it out of the ballot box. Why can't we just save a step and hand it to me?"
"Because dat would be breaking da rules."
"Ya just said dat da poll was closed."
"It is. But dat don't got anything to do with where da ballot goes after da vote."
"Fine." Walter placed the paper in the box and said sarcastically, "Can I take it out now?"
"Yep."
Walter read the paper and wrote it down on another piece of paper.
Peter suddenly said, "Well?"
Walter replied, "Well, what?"
Jameson spoke up, "Who won?!"
Walter sat up straight and said, "I'm pleased to announce that the new man for the Indiana legislature is... Mr. Madison Marsh."

Jameson was shocked and said, "Madison... Mada... Mooda... Madison Marsh?! Why, he's the guy I just voted for!"
Peter smiled and said, "Well, congratulations, I'm glad your man won."
Walter turned to Peter and said, "Not half as glad as Madison's gonna be when he finds out dat you voted for him."
Peter asked, "Why?"
Walter showed Jameson the paper and said, "Look this is how many vote Madison got: 218. And this is how many votes his opponent got: 217."
Jameson looked up in shock and said, "But that means that I... I..."
Walter finished his sentence, "Your homemade ballot put Madison into office." Peter leaned back in his chair and said, "Well, whaddaya know. Ain't dat something?"
Jameson stared into space and said barely above a whisper, "Yeah."
Walter spoke next. "Wha... What's the matter?"
Jameson looked at Walter and said, "I just hope I made the right choice."
Peter smiled and said, "Time will tell. It surely will."

Back to the narrator...

Shoemaker voted for Marsh, who won by one vote. And Marsh voted for Harragin, who won by one vote. And Harragin voted for Texas statehood, which won by one vote. One ordinary man with one ordinary vote was directly responsible for Texas becoming a state. But it wasn't just Jameson's vote that mattered. If any one of those other 217 decided not to vote, it would resulted in a tie. That's what happens when people care enough to get involved in our country's affairs. I believe that the upcoming election will as even greater then the vote of Jameson Shoemaker. I believe massive prayer and fasting will trigger a divine act of God.

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Note: This story is true. All of the names except Sam Houston, Harragin, Madison Marsh, and Jameson Shoemaker. are either made-up or cannot be verified. This blog was sponsored by the American Penguin Factory and Babies Incorporated.
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Well, you know it now! And don't you forget it!
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WITA Report 1: Daylight Savings

"WITA" stands for "What I Thing About..."
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Daylight Savings Day is better that Spring Forward. Do you know why?
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Example: Your day is 7:00 A.M. - 9:00 P.M. In Fall Back, it gets moved to 6:00 A.M. - 8:00 P.M. This allows you to feel like you're getting another hour of sleep waking up 7:00, when it feels like 8:00. It feels like you get to stay up another hour at 10:00, when it's really 9:00.
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Whereas at Spring Forward, what's normally 7:00 A.M. - 9:00 P.M., turns to 8:00 A.M. - 10:00 P.M. But your bedtime stays at 9:00. So when you go to bed at 9:00, it feels like 8:00. When you wake up at 7:00, it feels 6:00.
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And that's... What I Think About... "Daylight Savings"!
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This information was gathered by the Buck Research Facility in Penguinville, Terrapenguin.z
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#1 Blog Ends... So sad.

Davy's Blog... is over. That's right. A blog ends if the person says so or hasn't blogged in 365 days. Davis has met the latter qualification. His first blog was called "Football". His last blog was called "Wakeboard Pro." My personal favorite blog is "John West Salmon". He had no polls, and went by the name of LT-man21. I waited 365 days for him to blog, but it never happened. I officially proclaim the blog of Davis O. Tisdale: Dead.
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This blog was sponsored by the American Penguin Factory and Aardvark Enterprises. Babies Inc. couldn't donate because it was busy working on a project to recall all the pacifiers it sold and changing them to nuclear version. Munchkin Enterprises never sponsored this blog. It was all a hoax. Sorry about that. I will blog later about these companies.
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Hol. Report 3: Halloween

If you're like me, you hate Halloween. If you're a moderate, you don't agree with halloweenist practices. Either way, Halloween is not your favorite day. You may wish you could do something about Halloween, that you could stop it from happening every year. Well, I used to think the same way. But there's something you should know, the people who celebrate Halloween... you know, instead of just telling you (how boring!), I'm going to tell you a story to illustrate my point.

October 31, any year in the 21st century.
One cold windy night, a boy named Will lay crouched near a building,
with a water gun loaded.

Will waited. He pumped his gun for probably the fifth time. All was set. In five minutes, he and the rest would attack. He thought of everything that brought him here. His earnest desire to see Halloween stopped, the meeting, the orders over Amazon.com... He slipped into a memory.

1 month prior to this point...

Will flopped on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He was frustrated again. As he always was this time of year. He was tired of having to stare at the ground whenever he went with his mom to go get groceries. He was tired of covering his little brothers' eyes. He was tired of Halloween.
Every year he loathed going to any public buildings, knowing that they were decorated with witches, ghosts, and monsters.

They have Christmas, a day set aside to celebrate Jesus's birth. They have Easter, a day set aside to celebrate Jesus's resurrection. And they have Halloween, a day set aside to celebrate evil. Don't we have enough of that going on every day? Why do we need a whole day to do more of it?

Will got frustrated again. If only we could do something about Halloween. Get the town to abolish it. Will rolled his eyes. Yeah, sure. That'll happen. If only we could stop it from happening. Stop the people as they come out on the night October 31st...
Will smiled. That's it! He ran downstairs and grabbed the phone. It was time for a neighborhood meeting.

That afternoon, at Will's garage...

The garage was humming with over 20 kids talking. Will tried to speak but was being drowned out. Suddenly, someone yelled, "Quiet! Talk Abram! I mean, Will."
"Thanks, Mathew," Will answered. He cleared his throat and said, "I believe all of you are aware that in just three weeks, Halloween will occur. I know you are probably frustrated, like me, that we can't do anything about this. But I have a plan. We can do something about this. I am suggesting that we fight back! But this is going to take every one of you. There are about 40 kids who want to celebrate Halloween, and only 20 if us. Whoever wants to stop Halloween this year, raise your hand."

Twenty kids raised their hands. Will smiled and said, "Here's the plan, we are going to split ourselves up into 3 groups. The first group will consist of 10 kids. These kids will be the main force. They are to be called the Attack Force. The second group will consist of 5 kids. These will be the Bazooka Team. The last group is the the Sniper Team. I want each of you to pitch in five dollars to buy supplies. With it, I'm going to order over Amazon.com, ten water guns, five Nerf launchers, and five sniper Nerf guns. They should arrive in a week. If you agree to this plan, raise your hand." It was unanimous.

1 and 1/2 weeks later, in the Will's backyard...

"How's it going, Mathew?" Will asked.
"Great, the Sniper Team is accustomed to the weapons, the Bazooka Team has already fashioned the Nerf launchers to shoot tennis balls, and the Attack Force has the water supply under control. What next?"

Will motioned at the training kids and yelled, "Everyone, come here!" After everyone was situated, Will said, "You've had enough training, it's time for some surveillance. Sniper Team, take these," Will handed them a box, "And bug the houses of everyone in favor of Halloween. I'll listen in on their plans from my computer. Everything they say should come to my network. Continue watching until further orders.

"Bazooka Team and Attack Force, continue training. And here's the walkie talkies for the officers." Will handed them the walkie talkies. Will smiled and said, "We should be ready by Halloween."

In the house of Bruce...

"My house was bugged!" exclaimed Bruce. He turned to Toby and said, "Someone was spying on us. And I want to find out who it is! Do you have any idea who could be spying on me?"

Toby shrugged and was about to say that he had no idea, but then he thought for a moment. He turned to Bruce and said, "You know, I have noticed a lot of kids going to Will's house. And a lot of packages came to his five days ago. Do you think they're gathering to spy on other people in the neighborhood?"

"I don't know," Bruce answered. "But we're going to find out."

Toby's eyes bugged out and he uttered, "We?"

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At Will's backyard, behind his fence...
lies Bruce and Toby...
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"Well, what do you know..." Bruce mused as he watched the Attack Force training. "It looks like they're planning on soaking us."

"What?" said Toby, confused. "How do you know they're going to get us?"

"We and the rest of the kids in this neighborhood are the only ones they could be targeting. You know who they are, right?"

"Water gun shooters?"
"No! Christians! You know they're against Halloween! When do you suppose they're going to attack?"
"Uh... On Election Day?"
"No! On October 31st! They're going to soak us during our 'trick or treating'. Who do you think we're going to tell about this?"
"The President of the Uni..."
"Don't answer that question! Don't answer! Come on, we got to tell the rest of the gang. We only have two and a half weeks to order some weapons of our own. Come on, before somebody spots... Ahh!"
He was shot by a sniper Nerf bullet. Somewhere on top of Will's house, a sniper found its mark. Toby's eyes grew wide and said, "Bruce, hold on! My big brother was a lifeguard! I know what do! I have my first aid kit here. All I need it a bandage, a..."
"Oh, be quiet, stupid!" Bruce snapped. "It was just a Nerf bullet! I only yelled because it scared me... Wait, you carry a first aid kit around all the time?"
Toby got embarrassed and said, "I don't need to. I can stop any time I want. I don't have a problem!"
Bruce grabbed Toby by the sleeve and dodged another bullet. "Stop talking and run! Before they recognize us!"
The sniper recognized them. He ran to tell Will. This wasn't going to be a prank anymore. It was going to be full-scale war.

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Bruce's house... a military meeting...
October 31st...
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"I want 15 'trick or treaters' to get to the houses. They will consist of five groups. One kid will be a 'trick or treater' the other two will carry water guns to defend them. I want 25 kids to carry water guns and water grenades. The 'trick or treaters will go on with their mission. I want the 25 to hide nearby in case they're ambushed. Ant questions?" Bruce scanned the room.

"I have a question," said Toby.

Bruce sighed and said, "What is it?"

"What's the capital of Turkey?"

"Istanbul. What does that have to do with any..."

"Are penguins the most likely to take over the world?"

"Yes, but, what does this have to do with..."

"What's the chief export of Slovakia?"

"Slovakian guerrillas. Now, there are no more questions so..."

"One last question. Do we get a bathroom break during these meetings?"

"Yes. Go! Any questio... Never mind. Let's Go!

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Will's house... a military meeting...
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"You know the plan! Let's go!"

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The present time...
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"Enemy spotted!" yelled a kid.

"Call in the snipers! After they're in position, attack!"

The "trick or treaters" were spotted ringing a doorbell. After the snipers confirmed that they had a clear view of the house, Will's troops attacked.

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Bill Fillington's house...
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Bill heard his doorbell ring at 10:00 at night. He was watching the History of the Great Armadillo Migration on the Unknown Facts Channel. He decided to open the door and give the kids outside a little surprise. He opened the and just as the kids yelled "trick or treat", Bill blasted them will silly string. Two seconds after, Will's troops soaked the "trick or treaters". Bruce's kids were hiding in the nearby bush. As they charged, they were hit with a shower of Nerf bullets. They stopped to see where it came from, but it was too late. Before they knew it, they were hit with ten water grenades. This process repeated itself at every street.

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Epilogue
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Bruce and his troops surrendered on October 31st 11:12 P.M. They're weapons were all surrendered to the Christians. On November 1st, Bruce decided to hold Halloween on that day to make up for the lost night. But his plans were cut short by a storm... That only occurred in his neighborhood. The next year, Halloween wasn't celebrated in that neighborhood, for without weapons, Bruce could never hope to succeed without being soaked.

Grocery stores were still decorated with ghosts, witches, etc., destroying Will's original goal. At 10:00 A.M. November 1st, Will realized that the only way to completely stop Halloween was to change the hearts of those who celebrated it. Why did he come to this conclusion on November 1st? I think it's pretty obvious.

Back to the blogger...
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My point is that you can't force people to stop celebrating Halloween, the change has got to begin on the inside. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't stop murderers because we have to wait for them to change. This concept applies only to Halloween and a few other circumstances. When will this change occur? I believe it will happen sooner that you think.

This blog was sponsored by the American Penguin Factory and Babies Incorporated.

Stoppage Breaker 1

Stoppage Breaker 1

It's time to announce the first Stoppage Breaker in blog history! Alisa N. San Vicente!
She has shown dedication by contining to blog and keeping the blog circle (Consisting of Alisa, Danielle, Davis, and Me) alive and running. Congratulations, Alisa! Here's the name of the blog that broke the blog stoppage: Changing Times. It's worthy of your time to read it. Thank you, and have a good day.
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DS Report 12: The Renegade Penguin

Late, one Saturday night at the American Penguin Factory...
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A steel bar fell to the floor with a clank. A metal file was dropped shortly thereafter. A lone figure hopped out of the cage. He unscrewed the vent, and climbed through. He ended up on the outside of the building. He ran towards the nearest Target store.
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After stealing some stilts, phone books, and a pizza hut pizza, he waited in the parking lot. After a few minutes, a car pulled into a parking place. The lone figure made his move. Before the driver could roll up the window, the figure had jumped on him, and slapped him hard. He pushed the unconscious driver out of the car. The figure tied the stilts to his feet, placed three phone books on the seat, and started the ignition. He drove for the residential area. It was time for some C-4.
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The next day, at Bill Fillington's house...


To Bill, this day began like any other. He got up, took a shower, dressed himself, and went downstairs to eat breakfast so he could go to work. Just as he was pouring himself a bowlful of mini-frosted Wheaties, a plate wiggled. Slowly, Bill turned his head. Assuming it was his imagination, he went back to his cereal. But then, his barbecue grill moved a bit. Bill's eyes darted from left to right. The box that held his rock collection fell off the counter. Bill quickly got up and grabbed his baseball bat.
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He picked up the box and noticed the bright yellow rock was missing. He noticed that his chemistry set, which was on the counter a second ago, was gone. A cupboard squeaked. He slowly walked up to it. With one hand on the bat, he reached out his free hand and grabbed the lid on the cupboard. He quickly opened it. Nothing was out of place, except that his pen holder was empty. He looked inside, and the ink tubes and points of the pens were the only things left. The larger tubes which held the ink tubes, were missing. So was his ball of string. He heard no strange sounds for the rest of the day.
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Back at the American Penguin Factory...
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With no concern for his fellow penguins, the lone figure, which turns out to be a penguin, placed his home-made dynamite on the key parts of the building. He made the gunpowder out of charcoal from Bill's grill and sulfur from his rock collection. He filled the empty pen tubes with the powder, then tied them together and made fuses with Bill's string. These things were easy to find around the neighborhood, so he had 15 sticks of dynamite.
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He connected all the fuses together into one fuse, and pulled out a match. Now he would get revenge on all the penguins who made fun of his dreams of escape. He would get revenge on those factory workers who tazored him for pure enjoyment. He lit the fuse.
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Inside the factory...
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Jim Hystin, a packager at the factory, heard a sound he only heard on Independence Day. The burning of a fuse. He quickly searched for the source of the sound. While he was looking, he heard the penguins squeal and make penguin noises. He ran to the cages. All the penguins were pointing to the main fuse, which was about to branch off into separate fuses. Jim quickly grabbed a penguin from the cage. He pressed the penguin against the fire. It fizzled out.


Epilogue
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Although the penguin was burnt, the factory was saved. Jim quickly called animal control, who took the penguin to the CSPP (California State Penguin Penitentiary). After a couple of mug shots, the matter was resolved. The renegade penguin was sentenced to ten years in the San Diego Sea World penguin exhibit. After five years, the Great Penguin Escape of 2007 occurred. But that's another story. You've heard of bad bunnies, but have you ever wondered what will happen, when good penguins... go bad.
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This blog is sponsored by the American Penguin Factory and Munchkin Enterprises.

Blog Stoppage no. 1

No one has blogged in weeks, so I hereby declare a blog stoppage. Whoever is the first one to break the blog stoppage with a blog, is declared the official Stoppage Breaker. He or she is now responsible for being the first one to break blog stoppages whenever issued. The Stoppage Breaker will keep his or her title until someone else breaks a blog stoppage first. The longer a blog stoppage stays unbroken, the more annoying comments appear on your blog. Have a nice day.

Can you decode these messages?

Here are a few messages in code. After each code, a hint will follow. Type your answers at the comment area. Looking at the alphabet will help you.

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Crwwv Mliivtmeq!

Hint: This code can only be decoded if you know the code number. You may discover this number through trial and error, or I can give it to you. It's three. Take each letter, and go up the alphabet three letters.

16,1,21,12 2,21,14,25,1,14

Hint: I think you can figure this one out. Just remember, there are 26 letters in the alphabet.

Now, this one is a combination of the last two:

13,2,26,12,16 25,6,12,12

Hint: I you're on the letter "B", and you have to go back three letters, you go A, Z, Y.

Wcm dr ymtq ceqm?

Hint: This one involves a code word instead of a code number. Look below. Substitute the first part of the alphabet with a code word. Then continue the alphabet, skipping the letters in your code word.

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
G L OV E A B C D F H I J K M N P Q R S T U W X Y Z

Lastly, you can make your own code, substituting letters with different ones. And don't forget to answer the question in the code above. Leave your answer in the comment area.

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DS Report 11: Nuclear Pacifiers

You heard me right... uh, read me right. Nuclear pacifiers. Have you ever heard of nuclear submarines? Well, this is a nuclear pacifier. It glows in the dark, and sounds an alarm whenever it senses foreign taste buds. This is all powered by a small nuclear power plant in the knob of the pacifier. Although nuclear energy is very powerful, it's quite dangerous. You see, if you to crack the plastic covering, the pacifier explodes in a powerful mushroom explosion. It's dangerous, but innovative.



But why am I talking about this? To be honest, I wanted to squeeze one more blog into June. Remember the advantages of nuclear energy. But also remember the dangers. One time, there was this baby who chewed his pacifier for five hours straight. This caused the pacifier to explode. Fortunately, the baby was unharmed. He had to go to the hospital for a few weeks, but he was covered by Munchkin Insurance. Also remember that over chewing can be a problem when it comes to nuclear pacifiers.



You're probably wondering why you would want a pacifier that glows in the dark. Well, here's a story about a boy whose baby brother was lost somewhere in the house. There was a power outage, so it was hard to find him. The boy didn't exactly see his baby brother, he saw a glowing pacifier floating in the air. That's the benefit of glow-in-the-dark pacifiers.



So why have a sensor for foreign taste buds? So that other people don't suck on the baby's pacifier. Well, it's dinner time, so I have to answer the call of my stomach. If you are reading this during a meal time, answer the call.

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DS Report 10: Two Silly Songs

Downright Silly report 10! I've written my tenth DS Report!

Here are two songs I made up in my spare time.

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The Song of the Salesmen on the road

(sung by two salesmen)

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We're moving right along, with prices that can't be beat!

We've got an extension cord in the trunk that's over 15 feet!

Door jams, door slams, they're all part of the job.

One guy who slammed the door on me, his name sure wasn't Bob!

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We're moving right along, with prices that can't be beat!

We've got a crocodile in the trunk that's over 15 feet!

Gun shots, mug shots, they're all part of the job.

If we don't start being polite, we'll chased home by an angry mob!

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We're moving right along, it's the time to sell.

People will buy things at $19.95 for something as simple as a bell.

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We're moving right along, with prices that can't be beat!

We've got a ladder in the trunk that's over 15 feet!

Colonel Sanders, he's part of the job.

He gave us some fried chicken along with a corn on the cob!

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We're moving right along, with prices that can't be beat!

We've got an alligator in the back that's over 15 feet!

Funny screws, number two's, they're all part of the job.

We sell phony items like a greasy door knob!

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Moving right along!

Moving right along!

We sell things from 5 frogs to a toad.

And we don't need a map to keep this show on the road!

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The angry mob song.

(sung by the angry mob in beauty and the beast)

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Let's slay the beast tonight!

Let's slay the beast! All right!

'Cause it's our job to be an angry mob!

Let's slay the beast!

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Let's grab our faithful steeds.

With Gaston and La foo in the lead.

Let's go! Me and you.
With Gaston and his pal, La foo.
Yeah! Let's slay the beast!

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Let's slay the beast tonight!
Let's slay the beast! All right!
'Cause it's our job to be an angry mob!
Let's slay the beast!

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Let's cut down a mighty tree!

Then we'll break the door down on three!

Let's tighten our saddle girths!

Then we'll destroy Cogsworth!

Let's slay the beast!

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Let's slay the beast tonight!

Let's slay the beast! All right!

'Cause it's our job to be an angry mob!

Let's slay the beast!

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Yep. You're wondering how I think of these things. Don't ask.

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DS Report 9: When Bunnies go bad

"Hey, mom! Look! A cute little bunny!" A little girl yells.
She walks up to the bunny. The bunny is chewing on some lettuce.
"It's okay," she says, "We're friends. Here. Let me pet you"
She bends down to pet the bunny. She reaches out her hand and then...
Chomp!
The girl screams and runs for her mother. The bunny bit her.

What will do, when bunnies go bad?

Believe me, I've seen this happen before. Beware... of the Ninja Bunnies! Along with their friends: The Samurai Bunnies! Do not trust their cute looks. Deep down in their fur, is pure evil! These bunnies, once honorable bunnies, have gone bad! This seems hopeless, doesn't it? I bet your wondering how to defeat these evil bunnies, aren't you? You aren't? Oh. Well, I'll tell you anyway. These bunnies are particularly vulnerable to... high caffeine soda. Yep, that's right. Just leave a bowl of high caffeine soda out in the open, wait for a bunny to drink it, and watch. The bunny will run around uncontrollably until it hits a tree. That's when you have it. Okay, evil bunnies don't exist... yet. But try it. Just to see what happens to the bunny.

Next time you see a bunny, ask yourself this: What will I do... when bunnies go bad?

BT Report 3: School's Out!

"BT" stands for Big Time


School's Out!


I am done with school! Are you? Well, what are you going to spend your time doing this summer? How about SeaWorld? LegoLand? The Beach? The Baby Museum? The Kitchen? I'll be spending every night at the last place I mentioned.


Message to all bloggers:


Go to the "layout" section of your blog, and click "Add a page element". There, you will find a thing that says, "blog list". It's an advanced version of the "links list". Type in your favorite blogs, and the blog list will show the blogs you listed. It will also show you what their latest post is, and tell you how long ago they wrote it! It's an awesome feature.

Message to all readers:

Check the right side of my blog. There you will see that feature. Oh, and don't forget to watch out for killer penguins. They're dangerous. But there is a rumor that some penguins are good. Have you seen any penguins that are good? Comment on this blog and name them.

Did You Know? Fact 5

And now... It's time for... Did You Know?


Fact 5: Did you know that the song "Rock A-Bye Baby" has a tune that puts you to sleep, but has lyrics that give you nightmares?! I mean really! How you ever looked closely at the words?


Rock a-bye baby, on the tree top
when the wind blows, the cradle will fall.


Who wrote those words?! I have a few choice words for that guy! Like, "what", and "were", and "you", and "thinking". The words are enough to make you sick! How can he sing that song without being disgusted!


What's that? You already knew that? Well then, smarty, Did you know that the song "Ring Around the Rosie" is also a disgusting song? Look closely at the lyrics.


Ring around rosie, pockets full of posies
Ashes, ashes, we all fall down! (Annoying Laughter)


This actually is a song of ridicule. Ridicule of the bubonic plague (AKA The Black Death). You heard me right, the Black Death. All it takes is one person to catch it, then one sneeze in the wrong direction... Boom! It spreads like fire. This caused dark rings on the victims face, explaining the first part of the first verse. The superstitious peasants filled their pockets with posies (or flowers) to ward of the disease, explaining the second part of the first verse. The bodies were then burned to prevent the spreading of the disease, causing ashes, and explaining the first part of the second verse. The plague struck people so fast that they could be sneezing in the morning and dead by evening. Some fell down when their sudden death struck, explaining the second part of the second verse.


From now on, whenever you sing "Rock A-Bye Baby" or "Ring Around the Rosie", you know the ugly truth.


Well, you know it now! And don't you forget it!

Did You Know? Fact 4

And now, it's time for... Did You Know?

Fact 4: Did you know that the state that consumes the most ice cream is Alaska? Did you know that you can buy a domesticated penguin off the Internet? Did you know that most weather reports have a 50% chance of being 50% wrong? Did you know that when I sleep, I make sounds like Chewbacca? Did you know that turtle meat can be used to make turtle soup? Did you know that penguins were once hunted and used for oil? Did you know that when one sheep jumps off a cliff, the rest follow it? Did you know that "sanguine" is the only word that rhymes with "penguin"?

Well, you know it now! And don't you forget it!

DS Report 8: Funny Pictures 2

DS Report 7: The Tale of Camel-Aboo

Have you ever heard of the tale of Camel-Aboo? Ahh, it is a grand story. It is definitely one to be heard. But to hear it, you must come closer. Please, come closer. No, closer. What don't you understand about closer!? Grunt. Too close. Ahh, that's better. Now, let me tell you of this lamp. It's not an oil lamp. Nor is it triggered by rubbing. No, this is an electric lamp triggered by this switch. It was made by Edison-Aboo. But that is another story. Camel-Aboo was a man of few possessions. All he had was a camel, a pack full of salesmen goods, and this electric lamp. Do not be fooled by it's common looks. Wait! Come back! Do not switch to another blog! This is no ordinary lamp! It is not what is on the outside, but what is inside. An electric circuit to be exact. Anyway, it all happened on a dark night of dark deeds.

Many Arabian nights before

Long ago, in the town of Camelsville, there lived a salesman named Camel-Aboo. He sold ice cold Slushies and hot dogs. Along with him was his trusted sidekick, The Camel. It's easier to remember his name that way. One day, while he was wandering the streets of Camelsville, he saw the lamp. He picked it up curiously, and examined it. When he flipped the switch and the light snapped on, he dropped it in surprise. It did not bite. So, slowly, he picked it up again. He saw it generated light. He flipped the switch again. The light turned off! "This is amazing!" He thought. "I must duplicate this device!" And he did. Through many explosions and electrocutions, he succeeded.

Although this made the people very happy to not go blind at the age of ten, it did not make all of the citizens of Camelsville happy. One man, Jafar, owner of Jafar Oil Lamps Incorporated, was going out of business. He needed to get that lamp, duplicate it, and destroy Camel-Aboo's salesman stand. With that, his future in the lamp-making business would be secure.

Scuffling reached the ears of The Camel. If he could talk (which he couldn't, mind you) he would have told Camel-Aboo about this. But he couldn't. It was Jafar! He was about to grab a lamp when Camel-Aboo walked past. Jafar quickly jumped into a bush. Unfortunately, it was a rose bush. "Oww! Oww!" Jafar exclaimed. "Sticker Bushes! Sticker Bushes! Sticker Bushes!"

"Who's there?" Camel-Aboo said. "Show yourself."

"It's just me," Jafar said, "It's Jafar."

"Oh, Jafar. What are you doing here?"

"Well, I'm... hunting for desert rabbits."

"Oh. Bye." With that, Camel-Aboo walked away.

Jafar grabbed a lamp and roared an evil laugh. Just then, The Camel spit at the light bulb. You know that electrical circuits and liquid don't go well together, so the bulb exploded and Jafar got electrocuted.

"Stupid camel," Jafar seethed, "Take that!" Jafar kicked The Camel. The Camel tipped over and knocked over a line of lamps like dominos. This caused the building behind them to collapse. As the building was collapsing, Camel-Aboo rushed in to save his camel. Right before they were buried, Jafar yelled to Camel-Aboo, "Give me the lamp!"

"Oh, okay." Camel-Aboo handed Jafar a lamp.

Jafar laughed another evil laugh and ran away. Jafar ran back to Jafar Lamps Incorporated. He didn't see the rock in the doorway to the building, so he tripped. The lamp flew out of his hands and hit an oil barrel. The barrel broke open, and the light bulb broke. Sparks flew everywhere, including on the oil.

As Camel-Aboo and his camel cleaned up the rubble and repaired the lamps, they saw an explosion over at Jafar Oil Lamps Incorporated. Not knowing what it was, they shrugged (including the camel) and went back to work.

While Camel-Aboo became the Middle East's number one supplier of electric lamps, Jafar settled for the life of a salesman, selling the unique Chocolate Jabar. I bet you're thinking this story sounds familiar. Well, copyright infringement usually does. You're probably also wondering what the moral of the story is, too. Sorry, but there is no moral. This story is only supposed to tell you how electricity came about in the Middle East. Now, leave me alone. I'm a salesman too, you know. And I have to sell some Sultine Crackers. Get it? Sultan? Saltine? Oh, never mind.

Goodbye.

DS Report 6: A Jumble of Silliness

I have an urgent report for all you people out there! The movie, "The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian" has come out in theaters! If you haven't seen it yet, go watch it! If you've already seen it, go watch it again! (I know I did!) If you've already seen twice, buy it when it comes out on DVD!

Oh, and I saw a dead squirrel today. Road Kill! When will they learn to stay on the sidewalks!

And another thing I want to talk about is... Left-handed people. I mean, really! Is there anything more annoying, than using the keyboard after they did, and the mouse is on the wrong side! Don't these people know they shouldn't be different! (I don't need to tell you if I'm joking or not. Just look at the title!)

Hey, hey, peoples, I'm a frog!
I love fuzzy, polliwogs!

There once was a magical tuna, who lived in the great white sea.
He lived next to a scary shark, who had him with ice tea!

There once was a magical penguin, who lived in Shakespeare's tree.
He lived next to another penguin, who was rehearsing Hamlet part three!

copyright 2008. All right reserved. "DS" is a trademark of Drew's Blog, sponsored by the American Penguin Factory.

DS Report 5: A train of thought

DS Report 5

Have you ever wondered how the mind comes up with answers?
Example: Someone asks you, "Can you tell me where you hid your money?"
How does the mind come up with an answer? Here's how: First, the mind thinks of one of the words in the question and goes from there. The mind chooses "tell". Here is what the mind is thinking, "Tell. William Tell. Told. For whom the bells toll. Earnest Hemingway. Ernie and Bert. Bert. The one with the big nose. Nose/No's. Plural of 'No'." The brain's conclusion, "No."

But what if the brain chooses a different word? Say... "Can". Here it goes! Can. Canned meat. Meat. Nice to meet you. You/U. U is shaped like a horseshoe. Shoe. Your shoes are untied.
Un-tied. Un. Negative. Negative answer. Such as "No". The conclusion, "No."

So you see, this is how the brain works. Next time you contemplate your answer to a question, try to work out the answer this way. Hope you found this Downright Silly!

BT Report 2: The Adventure

"BT" stands for Big Time.

We moved to San Diego! The new house is great! Me and my brothers have a HUGE room! There's a great view of the ocean from here, and we're not far from my cousins and grandparents. Okay, so the backyard is mostly a hill, and if you kick the soccer ball the wrong way...

One of the cool things is, before we even knew we were moving, I got a sense of boredom. Not your average (the kind that can be remedied with Lego's and a chocolate chip cookie), this was different. I felt like there was something more, that I wanted to do something I've never done before. It was this feeling that made me ready for the big move.

Funny, how God never throws us into something unless we're ready for it. For example, if God had us move three years ago, I would have been still in soccer. I wouldn't have wanted to leave. But God waited until these things were gone, until I was ready for an adventure.

I'm sure there will be many more adventures to come. Bring it on!

BT Report 1: Pre-adventure

"BT" stands for Big Time.

I had just been on a vacation to my grandparents house. It was a blast. Perhaps I should start with the first day I was there.

First Day. It was 3:00 PM. Me, my little brother Zachary, and my sister Alisa had just got out from the long drive. While our parents searched for houses, (See Alisa's Blog), we were staying at our grandparents' house. My big brother, Ryan, was staying at our grandparents' house, so it was nice to see him. We ate spaghetti and meatballs and then hit the sacks. Not literally. Hit the sacks means... oh, never mind. Ask your mother. Me and Zachary slept in the same bed. In the middle of the night Zachary rolled over to my side of the bed. He nearly pushed me off the bed. In the morning, he said he did it because my pillow was comfier.

Second Day. Me, Alisa, and Zachary and my grandparents took us to the book store to buy a book for me. We couldn't find it. When we got out, my grandpa played a trick on Zachary and said there was a bird behind him. Zachary didn't believe it, but I thought my grandpa was serious, so I looked. My grandpa tried to fool Zachary two more times, both times with me looking instead. The fourth time, the trick was meant for me. I fell for it. This happened three more times. Next we went with my grandpa to walk on the pier at the beach. We saw a list of the people who bought one square foot of the pier after the old one was destroyed. My grandparents were on the list. We joked about which square foot belonged to them, and watched the surfers getting crashed by small waves. Then my grandpa fooled me two more times again. We went home and swam in my grandparents' pool. Well, me and Zachary left because it was freezing.


Third day. That day we went to the science museum. It was fun! I got to see a simulation of a whirlpool, a hurricane, and a tornado! I was able to create waves and see the waters crash against the shore. Then we saw a tube that was shooting out air. It was able to suspend a beach ball in mid-air! Then, a kid pointed it towards himself. His mom came over and tried to pull the kid away. But the air blew all her hair back! We all laughed, including my grandpa! Next, I was able to control a plane suspended by fans, pull my own weight with ropes, and play virtual volleyball! That's when you whack at an invisible ball and the result shows on the screen. It was me, Zachary and my grandpa against Alisa and my grandma. I held my little brother up so he could whack at the balls too. We won.

Fourth day. Me, Alisa, and Zachary went back to the pier and had lunch at a place called Ruby's. The place was crowded. We had to wait a half an hour until we could get a table! While we were waiting, we saw ducks and seagulls. We even saw two jet-black dolphins that looked a lot like sharks. My grandpa fooled me again by saying, "Oh, look! It's a whale!". After a half an hour, we were taken upstairs to our table. We had a great view of the sea. Grandpa told me, "Look at the pelicans!" I didn't believe him. But he was telling the truth that time, so I missed the pelicans. Next, we played at the beach. Me and Alisa went into the water and had lots of fun swimming through 56 degree water. Then, I built a sand castle. It was a cool castle. That night, our parents came back and stayed there until morning. My parents took the bed where me and Zachary were sleeping in, so we got to sleep in our sleeping bags in Ryan's room.

Fifth Day. In the morning, Alisa, Zachary, my mom and I went to the doughnut shop and surrounded ourselves with merry men and stole from the rich and gave to the poor. (he he. I was just seeing if you were still paying attention). Anyway, We got hot chocolate and yummy doughnuts and headed back. After we ate breakfast, we drove home. I was happy to sleep in my own bed again without Zachary. I was even happy to do my chores! It was a great week, and as you may have guessed from my title... the adventure has only begun.

JC Report 7: Adventure

Adventures don't have to be a trip to Antartica with a squad of penguins. True adventure is being called by God to do something and you do it. (Adventure can also be a trip to six flags).

Sometimes, we reject the adventure. Take Moses, for example. He was called by God to lead the nation of Israel out of Egypt. But Moses was scared; he said he couldn't speak well. So God had Aaron do the talking. Although this may seem easier to let someone else do the hard part, you'll be missing the full experience.

With adventure comes hardships and even dangers. But God promises he'll never send us into something we're not ready for. That's the good part. If we trust God will take care of us, we can embrace the adventure when it comes.

The hour is near...

The call is coming...

Adventure awaits!

JC Report 6: Half-truths

Jesus Christ Report 6.

Have you ever told a half-truth? For example, say, you go to a meeting and pretend you're the boss. The people at the meeting think you're the boss because you act like the boss. But you never actually said you were the boss, so you think you're not lying. That's a half-truth.

Keep in mind this: if it's half true, what do you think the other half is? A lie. So, mathematically speaking, if you tell 7 half-truths, that equals three and a half lies. Even though you didn't lie, a half-truth is still designed to deceive people. And that is just as bad as if you were lying.

In the Bible it says that if we tell the truth, we will become more like Christ. And I'd wouldn't want to become like Christ only half-way, right?

JC Report 5: Mission Possible... if you believe.

Jesus Christ Report number 5. Keep in mind that even though this is not a downright silly report, all my reports are silly.

You never thought a preacher could experience adventure... until now.

Paul, once Saul, was a pharisee with a license to kill Christians. Until, as Paul says, "The Lord that loved me struck the living daylights out of me as I sat on a donkey. Now, I am a new man, for I have been born again."

Paul was now an agent for His Majesty's army. His mission: To deliver a vital message to the world. This message is a matter of life or death for the recipients... and for Paul.
This was probably the most important mission Paul would ever have to carry out. He faced bandits, traitors, jail sentences, riots, snakes, earthquakes, and even a shipwreck.

"How do you do it?" One person asked. "How do you withstand all this?"
Paul answered, "My secret: I am content in every situation. You see, I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."
The person said, "Philippians 4:12-13."
Paul remarked, "Ah, so you've been reading other people's mail."

Paul went on to finish his mission. And was able to retire at Heaven Hotel for an eternity, all expenses paid. So you see, working for God is a full-time job... not without dangers. Will you accept the mission?

Paul, Apostle Paul. He's appearing in a Bible near you.

Hol. Report 2: Saint Patrick's Day

Holiday Report 2.

If you are wearing something green and you don't know why, read this. If you do know why, read anyway.

Patrick was not his real name. His name was Sucat. Pronunciation: sook at. He grew up as a normal boy, but he was very disobedient and didn't believe in God. One day, his village was attacked by pirates. His father told him to stay, but he went out to fight the pirates anyway. He got captured and was shipped to Ireland. (I know that's not normal, but if Patrick was too normal, he would not have a holiday named after him). He viewed his capture as a punishment from God for his disobedience.

At Ireland he was sold as a slave and his name was changed. I'm not sure what his new name was, but let' s say it was "pig boy". Pig-boy-Sucat's job was feed the pigs. In Ireland, the people spoke a different language. But we'll make-belief that everyone there spoke English. (Except the pigs). Pig-boy-Sucat was very lonely as a slave. But he remembered what he was told about God when he was young, so he grew closer to God over the years. He prayed before bed, he prayed when he worked, and he prayed when he ate. Why, in no time at all, he was praying over 100 times a day! (That's a lot, but it's cool).

After 6 years, he had a dream that God wanted him to leave Ireland. So Sucat asked his master if he could go free. His master said he was too valuable to let go, so he said "no". Sucat then escaped and walked 200 miles to the sea. There he met a captain and said,
"Good-day Cap, the name's Sucat. I was captured 6 years ago by pirates, and sold into slavery. Since then, I've been feeding pigs, and praying 100 times a day. Can I have a lift?"

The captain said "yes" and they sailed to England. There, he changed his name to Patrick. (The "Saint" part comes a little later). Also, he had another dream. He dreamt that Ireland was crying for him to come back and tell them about God. So he went back to Ireland with some friends. This is where the story gets good.

The king of Ireland let Patrick preach, though the Druids didn't want Patrick to. The Druids were the pagans of Ireland. They hated Patrick and his message of Jesus. So a Druid leader set a trap for Patrick and his friends. The Druid leader persuaded the king to invite Patrick to a Druid ceremony. The Druid leader gathered soldiers to ambush Patrick on the road. I shall now write in the Druid's point of view:

The Druid leader whispered loudly, "Look! There they are! Kill them!"
The leader of the soldiers whispered back, "What are you talking about? There's only deer on the road."
The Druid leader kept yelling, "Get them! There they are! Are you blind?! Kill them!"
The troop leader persisted, "There's only deer. Keep quiet, and leave the deer be."

Apparently, God caused the soldiers to see deer instead of Patrick and his friends on the road. Talk about a personal bodyguard! Patrick arrived safely at the ceremony. The ceremony is this: The Druids would feast, and then they would make a giant fire. No one in the land would make a fire until this special fire was made. Patrick decided to make his own fire in defiance to the Druid gods and to praise the one true God. Patrick and his friends made a huge fire while the Druids were still feasting. The Druid leader saw the fire and was furious.

He then summoned Patrick to dine with him and the king. The Druid leader secretly poisoned Patrick's cup and proposed a toast to Patrick's God. But God had told Patrick ahead of time that his cup was poisoned. Patrick accused the Druid leader of poisoning him. Of course, the Druid leader denied this. But the king then insisted that the Druid leader should drink from Patrick's cup to prove the the accusation was false. The Druid leader said no, which only confirmed Patrick's accusation. So the king banished the Druid leader, and all Druids from Ireland. Then the king told Patrick he wanted to hear more about God.

Patrick continued to work among the Irish and tell them about Jesus. And God blessed Patrick and his work. On March 17, 461, Patrick died. And his name was changed one last time; to Saint Patrick. Now, people all over the world wear a little green (the color of Ireland) and celebrate Saint Patrick's Day, a man who trusted God through thick and thin.

In conclusion, you can now wear your green sweater, and know why you're wearing it.

The End

VT Report 1: GodTube Videos

"VT" Stands for Video Time. Here's some funny videos (These are is not the same on Alisa's blog).

Scary Bedtime Prayer: http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=2c8d6d5f61d0ddb88acd

Servant's Heart: http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=807573e3d363d01058ed

JC Report 4: Miracle Brother

It's time for another Jesus Christ Report!


I bet you think miracles don't happen anymore, right? WRONG! Let me tell you about a miracle I experienced. I shall never forget it.

6 years ago... I was 5 years old... (No, it wasn't a dark and stormy night). My mom was pregnant at the time. I was playing early in the morning, when I heard a baby cry. I ran into my dad's room and jumped into his bed. Just then, my sister, Alisa, came in saying she heard a baby cry, too. My dad suggested we search the house for a baby. No baby was found. We all thought it was very strange. And it wasn't a vague cry either, not something you can just say it was your imagination. It was clear, though distant.

Months later... We came into the hospital, for my mom gave birth to a baby boy. I came in with the rest of the family, and saw Zachary, my new little brother, crying in a bassinet as the doctor was giving him a check-up. Now, that wasn't strange, except the sound of the cry. It was the same cry we heard months before! My dad said it was God letting us know that Zachary was coming.

Now maybe you don't think that's a miracle, but to me, it was a great miracle. God had let me see a glimpse of His great glory. And if you think that's big, these kind of miracles... are only the beginning.

Dedicated to Zachary Thomas San Vicente. A great brother... most of the time.