The Renegade Penguin Part 2: The Rise of the Penguins.
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As told in Downright Silly Report 12, the renegade penguin was sent to the San Diego Seaworld Penguin Exhibit for ten years. And now, I will tell you what happened on September 22, 2007. My little brother Joshua had his first birthday. But more importance to the story, the Great Penguin Escape occurred. It was the biggest and most successful escape from an animal exhibit since the Armadillo Escape of 1995. Fifteen armadillos escaped, but only two made out of the zoo. They were later recovered in Zimbabwe, Africa.
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But this was different. 50 penguins, 22 puffins, and 13 sea turtles escaped on September 22, 2007. They escaped by building a tunnel that connected the penguin exhibit and the puffin exhibit to the outdoor sea turtle exhibit. When a 85 marine animals suddenly poured out from a hole in the turtle exhibit... pandemonium.
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The Sea World employees quickly grabbed their nets and turned on the homing devices attached to each animals' tag. All 22 puffins and 13 sea turtles were recovered. However, the penguins were smart enough to remove their tags. Eight penguins were captured. The rest made it out and stole mini-vans, SUV's, and field-trip school buses.
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The remaining 42 penguins took over Coronado island and established their own republic. Since Sea World had payed millions of dollars to the American Penguin Factory for the last 42, the United States military wasn't authorized to use nuclear weapons. The penguins called their country, Terrapenguin, after the land where the American Penguin Factory was originally located. Unfortunately, the Renegade Penguin rigged the election and established a dictatorship. Common penguins were denied pilot's and sailor's licences, keeping the penguins trapped on the island. Only the SPP (Secret Penguin Police) were allowed common rights. But the common penguins rose up against the evil dictator and established a representative government.
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The first president, Penguinus Maximus, retained good relations with the Americans and paid Sea World for the lost penguins. In an effort to make up with the Americans, who now had no reason to not nuke the penguins, he allowed certain parts of his land to be used by American businesses. Such businesses are: Buck Research Facility in Penguinville, Aardvark Enterprises, in Feathersburg, Babies Inc. in Albino, and Turtle Co. in San Pico. Because of this, the Penguins have avoided destruction.
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The Renegade Penguin is now spending ten years in the Terrapenguin Country Jail. This is how the country of Terrapenguin was born. This is a history of... the rise of the penguins.
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Note: There's Terrapenguin, the country, with the capital in Penguinville, and there's Terrapenguin, the city, in the country of the Republic of Joshua. You may be wondering, "Where is the Republic of Joshua?". Well, that's a story to be told another day. Right now, I've got to go read my book. I only have 35 minutes left. Wait, only have 34 minutes left. Hope you enjoyed this blog.
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Saturday, November 8, 2008
Monday, November 3, 2008
Did You Know? Fact 6
And now.. It's time for... Did You Know?
Fact 6: Did you know that the process of how Texas became a state was an undeniable act of Providence? Let me tell you about it. This is a story about an Indiana farmer named Jameson Shoemaker. Although it's about an Indiana farmer, to tell the story the best way, I'm beginning in the year 1845, Texas...
Sam watched the road impatiently, waiting for a rider. That rider would be carrying a very important message that could change the lives of everyone in Texas. While Sam was staring out the window, his secretary, by the name of Jim Burns, came to him and said, "Here's the document grantin' the 24 penguins to Texas for use as bowling pins, sir. Uh, sign here."
Sam turned from the window and signed the document, after which he re-glued his eyes to the window. Mr. Burns noticed this and asked, "Something the matter, sir? If you're waiting for the rider, I can tell you now, standing and watching won't make it happen any faster."
"I know, Burns. But I wanna know the minute he arrives..."
"Too late, he already made it da the door."
"How'd you come by that?"
"Why, he just knocked, didn't ya hear?"
"No," Sam chuckled. "I guess I didn't. Let's see him in, shall we?"
Sam opened the door to a tired young man. Sam smiled and said, "Greetin's, I'm President Sam Houston. And you are?"
"I'm Phil Mannings, sir, and I b'lieve yers be wantin' this here message."
Sam nodded and said, "Go git yerself somethin' to eat and rest. It looks like you've had quite a journey."
Phil frowned and said, "Beggin' yer pardon, sir, but... well, I'm a Texan, too."
Sam chuckled and said, "Good man. Let's read yer message." Mr. Burns interjected, "S'cuse me, sir, but thars quite a crowd waitin' for the news as well. Theys all gathered in front of this very buildin' as we speak."
Sam raised an eyebrow and said, "Well, wadda'ya know. Looks like we have more people to tell about this than ourselves. Let's go."
Outside, the crowd cheered when Sam Houston came out with the message. Sam took a deep breath and said loudly, "My friends, because this message is importance to all of us, I didn't feel right about reading it alone. So I, like you, will be reading this for the very first time."
Sam unrolled the paper and read aloud, "To the honorable Sam Houston, I bring you greetings from Washington to Texas, the 28th, and newest state in the Union!" He paused while the crowd cheered.
Sam continued, "He goes on to say, 'When we meet next, I will tell you the many miraculous events surrounding this momentous occasion, but I must tell you of one now. Senator Harragin, a man I believed to be against us, cast is vote in our favor. When the votes were counted, Texas had indeed become a state by a margin of one vote! I don't know why Harragin cast his vote for Texas statehood, I only thank God for it. As should all citizens of the new state of Texas.'!"
Madison Marsh sighed and said, "John, Tyler, you are my advisers. It's time for you two to earn your money. Who do you think I should vote for?"
John spoke first. "Well, I believe it's obvious. The new Indiana senator should be Zummwald."
Tyler, shocked, said, "Zummwald! He's a crook. He stole 55 penguins from the South Carolina Penguin Factory last summer and blamed it on an unknown 36-year old man name Abraham Lincoln! He cannot be trusted! That is why you should vote for Rothchild."
John interjected, "Rothchild?!"
Tyler shot back, "Yes, Rothchild! He certainly has more political experience than Zummwald."
"Yes, but he's against everything we stand for. With Zummwald, he will protect our state..." "And then steal right from under our noses! Sir, I beg you, vote for Rothchild!"
"Zummwald, sir! Vote for Zummwald!"
"That's enough," said Madison. "I think you're forgetting there's another choice: Harragin."
Tyler and John both chuckled. John spoke next. "Harragin untried, untested. No one knows what his views are..."
Tyler interrupted. "That is exactly why you should vote for Rothchild."
Before either of them could speak, a man yelled, "It's time to vote! It's time to vote! Everyone take their seats!"
Madison got up and said, "Thank you, gentlemen. I now know exactly who to cast my ballot for."
After everyone voted, a man got up and said, "I counted the votes and there seems to be a problem. We're locked in a three-way tie. Since Mr. Sneezy is ill, and Mr. Grumpy is absent, the deciding vote falls to you, Mr. Marsh. What do you say?"
Madison got up, took a deep breath and said, "I have given this matter great thought, and I choose... Harragin.
Jameson was plowing in his fields one day when he heard yelling. It was his neighbor Reynolds. Jameson stopped plowing and said, "What are you doing here? And why are yelling like a Slovakian gorilla?"
Reynolds stopped yelling and said, "You know me, I always get this way on 'Lection Day!"
"Getting some early celebrating?"
"Beg pardon?"
"Election Day is not until tomorrow, Reynolds!"
"Now, I don't doubt your word none, but if ain't Election Day, there sure a lot of folks in town voting for no reason."
"What!? You sure?"
"Sure I'm sure. Cast one of the ballots myself."
"It's Election Day and I'm still out here plowing. Can you do me a favor, Reynolds?"
"Oh, sure, anything. I'd like to redeem my title as a Slovakian gorilla."
"Help be put my plow back to the barn. I gotta get to town!"
Peter and Walter sat at the polls waiting for anymore voters. Walter complained, "Why can't we leave now?"
Peter answered, "We still got five minutes. Da poll is supposed ta close at 5:00. It is now 4:55, if we close now, we'd be breaking da rules."
"But I've already counted all the votes, nobody else is going to come. Besides we're all out of ballots."
"That don't matter one little bit. We gotta keep dis poll open until 5:00. And 5:00 is how long dis poll is going to stay open."
"I'm telling ya, no one else is coming."
Just then, Jameson ran in and said, "Am I too late?"
Peter smiled and said, "No, sir. You surely ain't."
Walter scowled and said, "But we ain't got no more official ballots."
Jameson, still panting, said, "Well, what do we do, then?
Peter looked up from his rule book and said, "Da rule book don't say nothing about the ballot having to be official. Here, take this piece of paper and write the name of da one you wanna vote for."
Walter spoke next. "Can you write?"
Jameson answered indignantly, "Yes, I can."
After he wrote down his vote, Peter announced, "And just in time, this poll is now officially closed."
Walter muttered, "It's about time. Here, give it here."
Peter sat up straight and said, "No, ya don't!"
Walter looked at Peter and said, "You slapped my hand! What did you do that fer?"
"You know as well as I do that that ain't official procedure. All votes gotta go in the ballot box."
"But that's just silly. I'm the one who takes it out of the ballot box. Why can't we just save a step and hand it to me?"
"Because dat would be breaking da rules."
"Ya just said dat da poll was closed."
"It is. But dat don't got anything to do with where da ballot goes after da vote."
"Fine." Walter placed the paper in the box and said sarcastically, "Can I take it out now?"
"Yep."
Walter read the paper and wrote it down on another piece of paper.
Peter suddenly said, "Well?"
Walter replied, "Well, what?"
Jameson spoke up, "Who won?!"
Walter sat up straight and said, "I'm pleased to announce that the new man for the Indiana legislature is... Mr. Madison Marsh."
Jameson was shocked and said, "Madison... Mada... Mooda... Madison Marsh?! Why, he's the guy I just voted for!"
Peter smiled and said, "Well, congratulations, I'm glad your man won."
Walter turned to Peter and said, "Not half as glad as Madison's gonna be when he finds out dat you voted for him."
Peter asked, "Why?"
Walter showed Jameson the paper and said, "Look this is how many vote Madison got: 218. And this is how many votes his opponent got: 217."
Jameson looked up in shock and said, "But that means that I... I..."
Walter finished his sentence, "Your homemade ballot put Madison into office." Peter leaned back in his chair and said, "Well, whaddaya know. Ain't dat something?"
Jameson stared into space and said barely above a whisper, "Yeah."
Walter spoke next. "Wha... What's the matter?"
Jameson looked at Walter and said, "I just hope I made the right choice."
Peter smiled and said, "Time will tell. It surely will."
Shoemaker voted for Marsh, who won by one vote. And Marsh voted for Harragin, who won by one vote. And Harragin voted for Texas statehood, which won by one vote. One ordinary man with one ordinary vote was directly responsible for Texas becoming a state. But it wasn't just Jameson's vote that mattered. If any one of those other 217 decided not to vote, it would resulted in a tie. That's what happens when people care enough to get involved in our country's affairs. I believe that the upcoming election will as even greater then the vote of Jameson Shoemaker. I believe massive prayer and fasting will trigger a divine act of God.
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Note: This story is true. All of the names except Sam Houston, Harragin, Madison Marsh, and Jameson Shoemaker. are either made-up or cannot be verified. This blog was sponsored by the American Penguin Factory and Babies Incorporated.
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Well, you know it now! And don't you forget it!
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Fact 6: Did you know that the process of how Texas became a state was an undeniable act of Providence? Let me tell you about it. This is a story about an Indiana farmer named Jameson Shoemaker. Although it's about an Indiana farmer, to tell the story the best way, I'm beginning in the year 1845, Texas...
The office of Sam Houston,
president of Texas...
president of Texas...
Sam watched the road impatiently, waiting for a rider. That rider would be carrying a very important message that could change the lives of everyone in Texas. While Sam was staring out the window, his secretary, by the name of Jim Burns, came to him and said, "Here's the document grantin' the 24 penguins to Texas for use as bowling pins, sir. Uh, sign here."
Sam turned from the window and signed the document, after which he re-glued his eyes to the window. Mr. Burns noticed this and asked, "Something the matter, sir? If you're waiting for the rider, I can tell you now, standing and watching won't make it happen any faster."
"I know, Burns. But I wanna know the minute he arrives..."
"Too late, he already made it da the door."
"How'd you come by that?"
"Why, he just knocked, didn't ya hear?"
"No," Sam chuckled. "I guess I didn't. Let's see him in, shall we?"
Sam opened the door to a tired young man. Sam smiled and said, "Greetin's, I'm President Sam Houston. And you are?"
"I'm Phil Mannings, sir, and I b'lieve yers be wantin' this here message."
Sam nodded and said, "Go git yerself somethin' to eat and rest. It looks like you've had quite a journey."
Phil frowned and said, "Beggin' yer pardon, sir, but... well, I'm a Texan, too."
Sam chuckled and said, "Good man. Let's read yer message." Mr. Burns interjected, "S'cuse me, sir, but thars quite a crowd waitin' for the news as well. Theys all gathered in front of this very buildin' as we speak."
Sam raised an eyebrow and said, "Well, wadda'ya know. Looks like we have more people to tell about this than ourselves. Let's go."
Outside, the crowd cheered when Sam Houston came out with the message. Sam took a deep breath and said loudly, "My friends, because this message is importance to all of us, I didn't feel right about reading it alone. So I, like you, will be reading this for the very first time."
Sam unrolled the paper and read aloud, "To the honorable Sam Houston, I bring you greetings from Washington to Texas, the 28th, and newest state in the Union!" He paused while the crowd cheered.
Sam continued, "He goes on to say, 'When we meet next, I will tell you the many miraculous events surrounding this momentous occasion, but I must tell you of one now. Senator Harragin, a man I believed to be against us, cast is vote in our favor. When the votes were counted, Texas had indeed become a state by a margin of one vote! I don't know why Harragin cast his vote for Texas statehood, I only thank God for it. As should all citizens of the new state of Texas.'!"
But wait, Harragin was a senator, naturally his vote is going to make a
difference. But what about the local representatives?
We now move back a few years back to the state
of Indiana. It was during a state legislature vote.
difference. But what about the local representatives?
We now move back a few years back to the state
of Indiana. It was during a state legislature vote.
Madison Marsh sighed and said, "John, Tyler, you are my advisers. It's time for you two to earn your money. Who do you think I should vote for?"
John spoke first. "Well, I believe it's obvious. The new Indiana senator should be Zummwald."
Tyler, shocked, said, "Zummwald! He's a crook. He stole 55 penguins from the South Carolina Penguin Factory last summer and blamed it on an unknown 36-year old man name Abraham Lincoln! He cannot be trusted! That is why you should vote for Rothchild."
John interjected, "Rothchild?!"
Tyler shot back, "Yes, Rothchild! He certainly has more political experience than Zummwald."
"Yes, but he's against everything we stand for. With Zummwald, he will protect our state..." "And then steal right from under our noses! Sir, I beg you, vote for Rothchild!"
"Zummwald, sir! Vote for Zummwald!"
"That's enough," said Madison. "I think you're forgetting there's another choice: Harragin."
Tyler and John both chuckled. John spoke next. "Harragin untried, untested. No one knows what his views are..."
Tyler interrupted. "That is exactly why you should vote for Rothchild."
Before either of them could speak, a man yelled, "It's time to vote! It's time to vote! Everyone take their seats!"
Madison got up and said, "Thank you, gentlemen. I now know exactly who to cast my ballot for."
After everyone voted, a man got up and said, "I counted the votes and there seems to be a problem. We're locked in a three-way tie. Since Mr. Sneezy is ill, and Mr. Grumpy is absent, the deciding vote falls to you, Mr. Marsh. What do you say?"
Madison got up, took a deep breath and said, "I have given this matter great thought, and I choose... Harragin.
Amazing, huh? But what about a normal person?
Does their vote matter? It's time to come to the main
character of this story: Jameson Shoemaker.
Does their vote matter? It's time to come to the main
character of this story: Jameson Shoemaker.
Jameson was plowing in his fields one day when he heard yelling. It was his neighbor Reynolds. Jameson stopped plowing and said, "What are you doing here? And why are yelling like a Slovakian gorilla?"
Reynolds stopped yelling and said, "You know me, I always get this way on 'Lection Day!"
"Getting some early celebrating?"
"Beg pardon?"
"Election Day is not until tomorrow, Reynolds!"
"Now, I don't doubt your word none, but if ain't Election Day, there sure a lot of folks in town voting for no reason."
"What!? You sure?"
"Sure I'm sure. Cast one of the ballots myself."
"It's Election Day and I'm still out here plowing. Can you do me a favor, Reynolds?"
"Oh, sure, anything. I'd like to redeem my title as a Slovakian gorilla."
"Help be put my plow back to the barn. I gotta get to town!"
In town, at the polls...
Peter and Walter sat at the polls waiting for anymore voters. Walter complained, "Why can't we leave now?"
Peter answered, "We still got five minutes. Da poll is supposed ta close at 5:00. It is now 4:55, if we close now, we'd be breaking da rules."
"But I've already counted all the votes, nobody else is going to come. Besides we're all out of ballots."
"That don't matter one little bit. We gotta keep dis poll open until 5:00. And 5:00 is how long dis poll is going to stay open."
"I'm telling ya, no one else is coming."
Just then, Jameson ran in and said, "Am I too late?"
Peter smiled and said, "No, sir. You surely ain't."
Walter scowled and said, "But we ain't got no more official ballots."
Jameson, still panting, said, "Well, what do we do, then?
Peter looked up from his rule book and said, "Da rule book don't say nothing about the ballot having to be official. Here, take this piece of paper and write the name of da one you wanna vote for."
Walter spoke next. "Can you write?"
Jameson answered indignantly, "Yes, I can."
After he wrote down his vote, Peter announced, "And just in time, this poll is now officially closed."
Walter muttered, "It's about time. Here, give it here."
Peter sat up straight and said, "No, ya don't!"
Walter looked at Peter and said, "You slapped my hand! What did you do that fer?"
"You know as well as I do that that ain't official procedure. All votes gotta go in the ballot box."
"But that's just silly. I'm the one who takes it out of the ballot box. Why can't we just save a step and hand it to me?"
"Because dat would be breaking da rules."
"Ya just said dat da poll was closed."
"It is. But dat don't got anything to do with where da ballot goes after da vote."
"Fine." Walter placed the paper in the box and said sarcastically, "Can I take it out now?"
"Yep."
Walter read the paper and wrote it down on another piece of paper.
Peter suddenly said, "Well?"
Walter replied, "Well, what?"
Jameson spoke up, "Who won?!"
Walter sat up straight and said, "I'm pleased to announce that the new man for the Indiana legislature is... Mr. Madison Marsh."
Jameson was shocked and said, "Madison... Mada... Mooda... Madison Marsh?! Why, he's the guy I just voted for!"
Peter smiled and said, "Well, congratulations, I'm glad your man won."
Walter turned to Peter and said, "Not half as glad as Madison's gonna be when he finds out dat you voted for him."
Peter asked, "Why?"
Walter showed Jameson the paper and said, "Look this is how many vote Madison got: 218. And this is how many votes his opponent got: 217."
Jameson looked up in shock and said, "But that means that I... I..."
Walter finished his sentence, "Your homemade ballot put Madison into office." Peter leaned back in his chair and said, "Well, whaddaya know. Ain't dat something?"
Jameson stared into space and said barely above a whisper, "Yeah."
Walter spoke next. "Wha... What's the matter?"
Jameson looked at Walter and said, "I just hope I made the right choice."
Peter smiled and said, "Time will tell. It surely will."
Back to the narrator...
Shoemaker voted for Marsh, who won by one vote. And Marsh voted for Harragin, who won by one vote. And Harragin voted for Texas statehood, which won by one vote. One ordinary man with one ordinary vote was directly responsible for Texas becoming a state. But it wasn't just Jameson's vote that mattered. If any one of those other 217 decided not to vote, it would resulted in a tie. That's what happens when people care enough to get involved in our country's affairs. I believe that the upcoming election will as even greater then the vote of Jameson Shoemaker. I believe massive prayer and fasting will trigger a divine act of God.
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Note: This story is true. All of the names except Sam Houston, Harragin, Madison Marsh, and Jameson Shoemaker. are either made-up or cannot be verified. This blog was sponsored by the American Penguin Factory and Babies Incorporated.
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Well, you know it now! And don't you forget it!
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Sunday, November 2, 2008
WITA Report 1: Daylight Savings
"WITA" stands for "What I Thing About..."
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Daylight Savings Day is better that Spring Forward. Do you know why?
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Example: Your day is 7:00 A.M. - 9:00 P.M. In Fall Back, it gets moved to 6:00 A.M. - 8:00 P.M. This allows you to feel like you're getting another hour of sleep waking up 7:00, when it feels like 8:00. It feels like you get to stay up another hour at 10:00, when it's really 9:00.
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Whereas at Spring Forward, what's normally 7:00 A.M. - 9:00 P.M., turns to 8:00 A.M. - 10:00 P.M. But your bedtime stays at 9:00. So when you go to bed at 9:00, it feels like 8:00. When you wake up at 7:00, it feels 6:00.
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And that's... What I Think About... "Daylight Savings"!
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This information was gathered by the Buck Research Facility in Penguinville, Terrapenguin.z
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Daylight Savings Day is better that Spring Forward. Do you know why?
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Example: Your day is 7:00 A.M. - 9:00 P.M. In Fall Back, it gets moved to 6:00 A.M. - 8:00 P.M. This allows you to feel like you're getting another hour of sleep waking up 7:00, when it feels like 8:00. It feels like you get to stay up another hour at 10:00, when it's really 9:00.
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Whereas at Spring Forward, what's normally 7:00 A.M. - 9:00 P.M., turns to 8:00 A.M. - 10:00 P.M. But your bedtime stays at 9:00. So when you go to bed at 9:00, it feels like 8:00. When you wake up at 7:00, it feels 6:00.
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And that's... What I Think About... "Daylight Savings"!
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This information was gathered by the Buck Research Facility in Penguinville, Terrapenguin.z
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Saturday, November 1, 2008
#1 Blog Ends... So sad.
Davy's Blog... is over. That's right. A blog ends if the person says so or hasn't blogged in 365 days. Davis has met the latter qualification. His first blog was called "Football". His last blog was called "Wakeboard Pro." My personal favorite blog is "John West Salmon". He had no polls, and went by the name of LT-man21. I waited 365 days for him to blog, but it never happened. I officially proclaim the blog of Davis O. Tisdale: Dead.
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This blog was sponsored by the American Penguin Factory and Aardvark Enterprises. Babies Inc. couldn't donate because it was busy working on a project to recall all the pacifiers it sold and changing them to nuclear version. Munchkin Enterprises never sponsored this blog. It was all a hoax. Sorry about that. I will blog later about these companies.
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This blog was sponsored by the American Penguin Factory and Aardvark Enterprises. Babies Inc. couldn't donate because it was busy working on a project to recall all the pacifiers it sold and changing them to nuclear version. Munchkin Enterprises never sponsored this blog. It was all a hoax. Sorry about that. I will blog later about these companies.
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