Hol. Report 4: Christmas

"Hol" stands for Holiday.


Merry Christmas readers! Watch this: Happy Holidays. Blaa! Choke! Cough! Struggling to breath! Slowly regaining composure... That's better. Just don't say that near me. It's awful. Anyway, you all know what Christmas is really about, but there are still many who think the true meaning of Christmas is getting presents. Now I'll be honest, sometimes I forget the true meaning of Christmas too in the excitement of getting presents.

Usually with presents, the legend of Santa Claus isn't far behind. Where did the name Santa Claus come from? Well, here's my guess. It's a Spanish legend. There was a tiger saint called Claws. It was a female, so it wasn't called San(Spanish masculine form for the word "saint"), but Santa(Spanish feminine form for the word "saint"). Therefore the name "Santa Claws". One day, a newspaper reporter decided to introduce Saint Claws to the American people. But he misspelled it... Santa Clause. Eventually the "e" was dropped off and it got mixed up with Saint Nicholas. Therefore, the name Santa Claus was born!

Well, that's my theory. I don't really have anything special to say for Christmas except that it's rather weird that people say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. Why do they so ardently oppose saying Merry Christmas? Because Christmas has the word "Christ" in it. So they frantically searched for an alternative. The result: Happy Holidays. Now you know.

Another substitute for the truth of Christmas is the true meaning of it. If you watch just three Christmas specials (not including the hallmark channel) on TV, you'll find that they say the true meaning of Christmas is togetherness with family and friends. While that isn't a bad thing, is it a good substitute? No, not just because it excludes Jesus, but because that doesn't apply to everyone. If someone's an orphan, or a starving child in Africa, they don't have any friends and family, do they? So their "true meaning of Christmas" doesn't apply to them. The true meaning of Christmas is something that everyone can experience no matter what their external situation is. They could be poor or rich, sick or well, orphaned or friendless, and still be able to experience the true meaning of Christmas. Even if they're too poor to pay for presents, they can still celebrate the greatest gift of all, Jesus's sacrifice.

As long as you remember what Christmas is really about, you can still have a great Christmas, no matter what. And that lasts longer than any other substitute people may come up with. Christmas celebrates the day Jesus was born to conquer the world. Not like any other earthly ruler, conquering only land, but truly conquering. When Jesus made that sacrifice, he conquered all sickness, broken hearts, bitter anger, and more importantly, sin. That's more than any human could conquer. And I believe that deserves to be commemorated. Merry Christmas! And God bless you all!
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Did You Know? Fact 7

And now... it's time for... Did You Know?

Fact 7: Did you know that the stripes on the Christmas candy cane are symbols of Jesus's sacrifice? You know, "But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed," Isaiah 53:5.

Here's some other food for thought. While many people deny that Jesus ever existed, they are still dependent upon His birth in the respect that the calender is based on it. The year 2008 is approximately 2008 years from the day Jesus was born. And archaeologists need the division of B.C (Before Christ) and A.D (annō Dominī, in the year of our Lord), even though they deny that Jesus was born!


Well... you know it now! And don't forget it!
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DS Report 14: Good Penguins vs. Bad Penguins

This is no ordinary story. Like many of my other stories, it's about penguins. Unlike my other stories, it's about penguins. This continues from the previous blog, so you'd better read that one first. Here it is.

President Maximus was reading the Penguin Daily newspaper when his chinstrap penguin secretary entered. He handed the president a manila envelope and left without a word. The envelope was stamped "Eyes only for the President". Intrigued, the president opened it. It only contained one page. It said,

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Eyes only for the President

Urgent Alert!

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1. The PTO (Penguin Terrorist Organization) have been seen gathering on an Pacific island codenamed "Cobrapenguin".

2. Satellite images show that they have tanks, aircraft, and ships. Our spies report that they may have nuclear weapons.

3. We believe that they are planning a strike on Terrapenguin, Hawaii, and parts of mainland California.

4. Requesting authorization to attack "Cobrapenguin".

5. If no. 4 is denied, requesting that the United States of America be informed and allowed to take action. Preferably nuclear action.

6. Satellite images of "Cobrapenguin" follow.

7. Sorry. Wrong pictures. Cool Marine symbol, though. Here are the real pictures:

8. Have a nice day.

He put down the paper, thought for a moment, and then picked up his red phone. He pushed the button, waited two seconds for a voice, then heard, "Secretary of War, sir."

The president got right to the point, "Get the ships ready. Tell the army to go to Penguin Harbor ASAP. It's time for an amphibious assault. Oh, and contact the Americans, we may need their assistance. g

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Penguin Harbor

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Private Pengy, an adelie penguin, marched with 23 other penguins to the amphibious transport. He and his squad were going to be among the first to land on Cobrapenguin. Those six squads' objective were to cripple the island's radar, communications, and fuel depots before the main attack.

While it was a great honor, it was the most dangerous part of the job. They were going to be outnumbered and outgunned the entire time. The only help they were going to have was a recon plane codenamed "Fuegopenguin". It was an unmanned aircraft scheduled to provide intelligence. The island was full of trees, so satellites wouldn't give very good images.

If all was successful, the enemy wouldn't realize what happened until the attack began... a few hours later.

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The island of Cobrapenguin...

Feathers Beach...

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The amphibious transport landed on Feather's Beach at 0113 hours (1:13 AM). After unloading 24 penguins, the transport headed back to the aircraft carrier. Lieutenant Beaky gathered everyone around him and said, "All right, everyone. We've got a job to do. Team Alpha, you destroy communications tower 1, and then destroy Fuel Depot D. Team Charlie, destroy Fuel Depot A and E. Team Echo, destroy Fuel Depot C and communications tower. Rendezvous back here at 0300 hours (3:00 AM). Move out!

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When the other teams left, Lieutenant Beaky turned to his team and said, "Team Bravo, we'll handle the radar facility and Fuel Depot B. Watch for my flipper signals. (Hand signals). 'Fuegopenguin' should be flying over this sector in a few minutes. When it does, I want corporal Wheezy to radio in for intel. Any questions? Good. Move out!"

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Team Bravo traveled through the jungle for a few minutes when they heard machine gun fire in the distance. Lieutenant Beaky signalled for everyone to be quiet. Then he whispered, "Fuegopenguin should be flying over any moment now. Corporal Wheezy, turn on the radio. We need to be ready for..."

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He was cut off when Fuegopenguin flew over them just 20 yards off the ground. It was on fire. They soon heard a resounding crash. Lieutenant Beaky turned to his troops and said, "Looks like we're going in alone, boys."

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A worried private spoke up. "Without intel., who knows what lies ahead."

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As soon as he said it, a burst of machine gun fire burst over their heads. Lieutenant Beaky ducked and said, "Everyone get to cover! Private Pengy! Help me out! Covering fire!"

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Pengy fired his submachine gun rapidly into the bushes, giving his squadmates time to get to cover. After that, they both got to cover. Then he heard someone yell, "I throwing a grenade! Take cover!"

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A boom followed, then silence. Lieutenant Beaky signaled everyone to assemble. Then he said, "Don't worry, we haven't been discovered. We just ran into a PTO patrol. I want no noise at all. Flipper signals only. Conserve your strength. We have a couple more miles until we reach the radar facility.

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The jungle.

Less than a quarter of a mile

from the radar facility...

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They had been walking for about a half an hour. Pengy knew they were getting close. Soon he heard some talking in the distance. As he got closer, he was able to make out the words:

"No, the cheese ruins the sandwich."

"What do you mean? What's a sandwich without the cheese?"

"It tastes funny."

"Okay, stop talking about cheese. Have the patrols arrived, yet? It's time for the next shift."

"All but one. Patrol 4. It's 15 minutes late. Should we send a search party?"

"No. Let's wait a little longer. They could still come."

Lieutenant Beaky turned to his squad and said, "All right, we have to make this quick. We'll lay down some covering fire while Private Rico sets the explosive charges on the radar. After Rico returns, we high-tail it out of here. Understood?"

Everyone nodded.

"Good. Wait for my signal."

He waited for the penguins to get in position, then yelled, "Suppressing fire!"

Rico jumped out of the bushes and darted toward the radar. As the penguins fired, the enemy penguins called for the troops. Soon we heard a ripple of clink-clink's. Lieutenant Beaky yelled, "Get down! Grenade!"

Several boom's followed. Then silence. Private Pengy wondered if anyone made it. He stuck to his training and lay still. Then he heard some penguins saying,

"I think we got 'em."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, no penguin can lay that still."

"Should we search?"

"Throw a few grenades first."

A few seconds later, he heard another boom. Then the enemy penguins started yelling and screaming to get to cover, Pengy, on impulse, got up and started shooting randomly at the enemy. Private Rico came through the bushes toward him and said, "Thanks for the covering fire. I wasn't sure if my grenade would be enough."

Pengy looked at him in surprise and said, "That was you? I thought they threw it."

Just then, Lieutenant Beaky and the other 3 penguins got up. Pengy was relieved that they were all alive. Lieutenant Beaky signaled them to follow him and ran in the opposite direction of the radar facility. After they had gone a few minutes, they heard an explosion in the distance. The time bomb Rico set had gone off.

Lieutenant Beaky turned to his squad and said, "Well done, boys. Let's head for the fuel depot. First, let me call the rest of the teams. Private Wheezy, hand me the radio. Wheezy handed Beaky the radio, and Beaky radioed in. "Team Alpha, what's your status, over?"

The squad commander replied, "We destroyed communications tower 1 and Fuel Depot D. We're heading back to the beach, over."

Lieutenant Beaky said, "Excellent. Over and out." Then he radioed in a different frequency.

"Team Charlie, what's your status, over?"

"We've destroyed Fuel Depot A. We're now moving toward Fuel Depot E, over."

"Roger that. Over and Out." Pengy tried to pick his nose, but he didn't have one. Lieutenant Beaky tuned into Team Echo's frequency.

"Team Echo, have you destroyed your objectives, over?"

"Yes, sir. And we've discovered that our maps are inaccurate. Fuel Depot C, our target, is actually only one mile away from your target, Fuel Depot B. WE destroyed it also. Heading back to the beach, over."

"Copy that. We're heading back to the beach. Over and out." Pengy tried to scractch his ears, but he didn't have those either.

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The Cirlular Office.

President Penguinus Maximus.

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Maximus's secretary passed him two more pages of notices. After the secretary left, he looked at the first one:

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Highly Classified

Diplomatic Notice

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1. Hundreds of zoos across America are willing to take any captured PTO penguins.

2. The Americans can spare 30 U.S. Marines to herd the penguins into an American cargo ship.

3. The Americans have one nuclear missile ready if the situation gets dire.

4. Happy Birthday.

5. Wait, it's not your birthday.

6. Happy Thanksgiving.

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Maximus thought, "Great. Now we won't have to squeeze over 500 penguins into our small jail. Suffocation would be a problem. Hmm... Happy Thanksgiving... a little late... or early... depending on when you read this."

He turned to the other page:

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Top Secret

Secret Files

1. The PTO acquired its weapons from numerous terrorist organizations.

2. A list of these organizations, their leaders, and their locations is on the island of Cobrapenguin.

3. Nuclear action is discouraged, as the list could be destroyed.

4. Suggesting that you continue with the original plan. Operation Snake Killer.

5. Can I borrow your tic-tacs?

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He picked up his red phone and waited for an answer.

"Hello, sir. Can I borrow those tic-tacs?"

"Tell General Skipper to continue with Operation Snake Killer. And tell the Americans to send their marines ASAP."

"Okay. Uh, sir? Can I have the tic-tacs? I forgot to brush my teeth this morning."

He sighed and said, "Fine, you can have the tic-tacs... wait! Penguins don't have teeth!"

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Epilogue

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The operation was a complete success. The PTO was all but destroyed. Small remnants of resistance still existed, but they posed no large threat. 2nd Lieutenant Beaky was promoted to 1st Lieutenant and given the silver star for the success of operation Sneaky Penguin. Private Pengy was promoted to corporal and joined the Bureau of Experienced and Advanced Kommandos. Private Rico joined the bomb squad and was given the bronze star for bravery at the radar installation. President Penguinas Maximus was reelected the next year. Of the 500 penguins delivered to American zoos, 29 escaped and headed for Zimbabwe, Puerto Rico, and Mozambique. The marines who saw to the delivery of the enemy penguins were all promoted to make up for the ridiculous assignment.

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Note: The satellite photos were courtesy of me and Alisa San Vicente.

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