Thoughts, Feelings, Ideas...

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

DS Report 12: The Renegade Penguin

Late, one Saturday night at the American Penguin Factory...
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A steel bar fell to the floor with a clank. A metal file was dropped shortly thereafter. A lone figure hopped out of the cage. He unscrewed the vent, and climbed through. He ended up on the outside of the building. He ran towards the nearest Target store.
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After stealing some stilts, phone books, and a pizza hut pizza, he waited in the parking lot. After a few minutes, a car pulled into a parking place. The lone figure made his move. Before the driver could roll up the window, the figure had jumped on him, and slapped him hard. He pushed the unconscious driver out of the car. The figure tied the stilts to his feet, placed three phone books on the seat, and started the ignition. He drove for the residential area. It was time for some C-4.
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The next day, at Bill Fillington's house...


To Bill, this day began like any other. He got up, took a shower, dressed himself, and went downstairs to eat breakfast so he could go to work. Just as he was pouring himself a bowlful of mini-frosted Wheaties, a plate wiggled. Slowly, Bill turned his head. Assuming it was his imagination, he went back to his cereal. But then, his barbecue grill moved a bit. Bill's eyes darted from left to right. The box that held his rock collection fell off the counter. Bill quickly got up and grabbed his baseball bat.
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He picked up the box and noticed the bright yellow rock was missing. He noticed that his chemistry set, which was on the counter a second ago, was gone. A cupboard squeaked. He slowly walked up to it. With one hand on the bat, he reached out his free hand and grabbed the lid on the cupboard. He quickly opened it. Nothing was out of place, except that his pen holder was empty. He looked inside, and the ink tubes and points of the pens were the only things left. The larger tubes which held the ink tubes, were missing. So was his ball of string. He heard no strange sounds for the rest of the day.
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Back at the American Penguin Factory...
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With no concern for his fellow penguins, the lone figure, which turns out to be a penguin, placed his home-made dynamite on the key parts of the building. He made the gunpowder out of charcoal from Bill's grill and sulfur from his rock collection. He filled the empty pen tubes with the powder, then tied them together and made fuses with Bill's string. These things were easy to find around the neighborhood, so he had 15 sticks of dynamite.
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He connected all the fuses together into one fuse, and pulled out a match. Now he would get revenge on all the penguins who made fun of his dreams of escape. He would get revenge on those factory workers who tazored him for pure enjoyment. He lit the fuse.
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Inside the factory...
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Jim Hystin, a packager at the factory, heard a sound he only heard on Independence Day. The burning of a fuse. He quickly searched for the source of the sound. While he was looking, he heard the penguins squeal and make penguin noises. He ran to the cages. All the penguins were pointing to the main fuse, which was about to branch off into separate fuses. Jim quickly grabbed a penguin from the cage. He pressed the penguin against the fire. It fizzled out.


Epilogue
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Although the penguin was burnt, the factory was saved. Jim quickly called animal control, who took the penguin to the CSPP (California State Penguin Penitentiary). After a couple of mug shots, the matter was resolved. The renegade penguin was sentenced to ten years in the San Diego Sea World penguin exhibit. After five years, the Great Penguin Escape of 2007 occurred. But that's another story. You've heard of bad bunnies, but have you ever wondered what will happen, when good penguins... go bad.
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This blog is sponsored by the American Penguin Factory and Munchkin Enterprises.

2 comments:

Alisa said...

Okay, now WHERE did you get this from? I don't get the moral, but I did get that you have way...too much time on your hands.
(Munchkin Enterprises really does exist. I'd suggest another company name for fear of copyright infringement.)

Alisa said...

Hey, don't I officially become crowned the Blog Stopper? I want my money back!