#2 Blog Ends... so sad.

Danielle's Blog... is over. That's right. A blog ends if the person says so or hasn't blogged in 365 days. Danielle has met the latter qualification. Her first blog was called "My new blog". Her last blog was called "blog". My personal favorite blog is "nothing to say". She had a few polls, and went by the name of... well, Danielle. I waited 365 days for her to blog, but it never happened. I officially proclaim the blog of Danielle N. Tisdale: Dead.

This blog was sponsored by the American Penguin Factory and Babies Inc.

BEAK - Russia

This is a story about BEAK. BEAK stands for Bureau of Experienced and Advanced Kommandos. They are a special team of five squads, 30 penguins in all. These penguins are the best of the best. They've cleared a checkpoint of enemy soldiers so a convoy of rescued POW's could cross the border into Europe. They infiltrated a top secret weapons facility and switched a box containing a nuclear missile with a box full of fish. And they stole secret battle plans from an enemy general's pocket.

For these highly trained artic birds, no job is too impossible. But one day, they got a mission whose success would stop a global war and the destruction of America. How could one mission be so important? Well, you'll see, uh, read for yourself.

May 5, 2009
San Pico, Terrapenguin
FEATHER Academy

Corporal Pengy, a BEAK soldier, waited anxiously for the General Rockhopper to arrive. Pengy was an army ranger, but joined BEAK when he was recommended by 1st Lieutenant Beaky. The BEAK headquarters was undergoing renavation, so the BEAK team met at FEATHER Academy. FEATHER stood for Federal Entrenched Authorized Training Headquarters for Early Rangers.

General Rockhopper entered the room and sat down. He got right to the point. "Gentlepenguins, we have received a message from an American CIA agent named John Morefield. Here, I copied the message."

He distributed the copies and Pengy read it:

Highly Classified
Double Agent Notice

1. I have reason to believe that Agent Postlan is really Nikolai Buschnikov, a Russian double agent.
2. The blueprints to the top secret Particle Cannon are missing.
3. I believe that Buschnikov is responsible.
4. The CIA chief doesn't believe me, so I'm coming to you for help.
5. Requesting that you send a BEAK squad to recover the blueprints and find evidence against Buschnikov.

After the entire troop was done reading, General Rockhopper annouced, "I want you guys, Team 4 and 5, to take on this assignment. Teams 1-3 failed. Team 1 was mistaken for missing penguins on a wanted poster and were sent to the Spanish version of Seaworld, "MarMundo". Team 2 is somewhere is Zimbabwe. Don't worry, we have search teams to rescue them.

"What about Team 3?" asked a BEAK sergeant.

"Team 3 was very close to completing its objective, but was captured. Your objective, is to retrieve the blueprints to the Particle Cannon, find evidence incriminating Buschnikov, and locate the jail where Team 3 is being held. You don't have to rescue them, just locate them. We have another team at the ready."

"Where will we be dropped off?" asked Pengy.

"In Hiramsburg, Poland. There you will meet your contact, codenamed Adolphus. He will give more instructions."

"Will we be going in alone?" asked another.

"Yes, as usual," replied the general.

May 25, 2009
Hiramsburg, Poland
Turtle Forest

Team 4 of BEAK landed quickly and quietly. They treked through Turtle Forest, the quickest way to the safehouse, where their contact would be waiting. The penguins of BEAK carried mini-SPMGs (Silenced Penguin Machine Guns), and a Silenced Donkey .45 pistol. And, of course, Sergeant Swimmer carried his favorite drink, a spicy hot V8.

They made it to the safehouse in 15 minutes. Lieutenant Flipper knocked on the door. A man opened it and signalled them to come in quickly. When they were all settled, the man said, "I am Adolphus, your contact."

Lieutenant Flipper answered, "I believe you have something to tell us."

"Yes, I do. I have been searching for Buschnikov for five years. But now, I've located him. He's in a small abandoned town east of here. I haven't been able to enter his headquarters, I'm afraid."

"Well," Lieutenant Flipper began. "I think we can get in without too much trouble, eh boys?"

They all nodded, except Pengy. If he had an eyebrow, he would've raised it in suspiscion. He said, "Adolphus, how did you contact us?"

Adolphus looked confused and said, "Pardon?"

"How did you contanct us and tell the General you had information?"

"I, well, called him. By secure satellite phone."

"What is the general's name?"

Lieutenant Flipper interrupted, "Corporal Pengy, we don't have time for this! Adolphus take us to Buschnikov."

May 25, 2009
Outskirts of Hiramsburg, Poland
Buschnikov's headquarters

"Is this the place?" asked Lieutenant Flipper.

"Yes," answered Adolphus. "This is it."

"All right, move out!"

The BEAK squad carefully sneaked to the building. When they got to the door, Sergeant Swimmer gave the signal to standby, then kicked the door down. Lieutenant Flipper led the way. Pengy felt like he was being watched. They made their way up the stairs and to another door.

Convinced it was Buschnikov's room, Lieutenant Flipper kicked the door open and aimed his gun. No one was in the room. Pengy felt his feathers stand on end. Flipper scanned the room and slowly walked inside. When the entire BEAK team was inside the room, they heard a man yell, "Drop your weapons! We have you surrounded."

The room swarmed with Russian soldiers carrying AK-47 machine guns. The BEAK team dropped their weapons and held their wings up (which is quite a comical sight). Lieutenant Flipper asked inquisitivley, "Who are you?"

The man chuckled evilly and said, "I'm John Morefield. Don't worry, the soldiers don't understand English." He motioned to the Russians.

Pengy said, "Why did you do it? What's this all about?"

"Don't you see?" Morefield said. "I'm Nikolai Buschnikov. That's my codename. I'm a double agent for the Russians. Just in case the Russian double-cross me, they don't know who I really am. And I'm the reason Team 3 was captured. I was watching you the whole time.

"The Russians want America, but they can't do it openly, or the world will turn against Russia. So, they need to discredit America. The Russians were planning on destroying Terrapenguin with a nuclear missile. But then the blame would fall on Russia. So, we needed an American weapon. One that the world knew only the Americans had. That's when I stole the blueprints to the Particle Cannon and gave it to the Russians. But there was one thing that could stop them. You, the BEAK forces. Now that you're out of the way."

Pengy spat and said, "You traitorous swine! How could you betray your country!?"
Morefield smiled and said, "It's easy when you're being offered 2.5 million big ones. Now, enough talk."

He said something in Russian, then the soldiers put away their AK-47's and pulled out tranquilizer guns. They picked their targets and fired.

May 26, 2009
Petersburg, Russia
A Russian POW Compound

Corporal Pengy awoke with an aching head. He instinctavily reached for his mini-SPMG. It wasn't there. He groaned. He took in his surroundings with frustation. He was in a jail cell with steel bars. He saw that his fellow BEAK comrades were all sitting up against the cell wall.

Lieutenant Flipper looked over at Pengy and said, "Awake, are you? Well, you'll soon wish you were still unconscious. They will soon be here."
Pengy sat up and asked, "They? They, who?"

"The guards. They come twice a day to 'taze' us."

"Taze?"

"Electricute."

Pengy's eyes widened in disbelief. "What? But... we have to do something! We're BEAK. We can get out of anything!"

Flipper continued to stare at the ceiling and said, "Not this, soldier. There are some things even us can't do. We're only penguins. Not miracle workers."

Pengy leaned back against the wall in hopelessness. They were the only thing standing between the Russians and America. Now the land of the free would fall, and it was all his fault.

Sergeant Swimmer pulled out his spicy hot V8 and began drinking. Pengy watched him drink, not really thinking about anything. Then it hit him. That's it! Pengy grabbed the V8 and said, "Guys! It's time to escape!"

Flipper sighed and said, "What are you talking about? How is a can of V8 gonna help?"
Pengy waddled over to the bars and began pouring the vegetable juice on the bars.

Sergeant Swimmer yelled, "Hey! That's mine! That's the only drink we have in here!"
Pengy continued his work and said, "Shhh! Do you want the guards to hear you?"

Flipper was just wondering if Pengy had gone mad when he heard a sizzling sound. He look at the bars and saw that they were disintegrating! Flipper's eyes widened and whispered, "Pengy you're a genius! Come on!"

The BEAK team pushed through the bars and crawled out. They walked down the hall and turned the corner. Eventually they found a table with their SPMGs on them. But it was guarded by a man with a tazor. Sergeant Swimmer made quick work of him with his flipper. After the team was armed, they navigated the halls to a map stapled on a wall. It showed that the laboratory was three doors down and that the second jail was down the hall and to the left.

The BEAK team sneaked into the laboratory and tobogoned their way to the scientists. After a few good slaps, they climbed onto the table. It was the blueprints to the Particle Cannon. Flipper slipped them into his backpack and then directed his team to the second jail. When they arrived at the hall, a private asked, "Why are we here, sir? We should be getting out of here."

Flipper answered promptly, "We can't. Team 3 of BEAK is being held in here, I'm sure of it. You all know the penguin credo."

Swimmer rubbed his chin and asked, "Never bathe in hot oil and bisquick?"

Flipper slapped his forehead and said, "No!"

Pengy asked, "Is it, 'Oink oink, suey!'?"

Flipper turned to his team and said, "No that's the Piglet credo! It's 'never leave a penguin behind'. Now let's go!"

They entered the jail and toboganed on the floor until they reached a cell that held penguins. A penguin stood up and said, "Lieutenant Flipper! I am glad to see you! Get us out of here, I don't think my team can take anymore 'tazing'."

Flipper smiled and said, "No problem. Sergeant Swimmer, the can."

Swimmer gave Flipper his can of V8 and sizzling followed shortly thereafter. The teams made there way back to the map, and they continued down a hall. Halfway through, Pengy saw a door that said, "Buschnikov". Pengy signalled his team to stop and said, "This must be Morefield's office."

Lieutenant Slapper, the leader of team 3, said, "so what? We need to get out of here."

Pengy answered, "We need evidence against Morefield. This is our only chance to get rid of him once and for all."

Lieutenant Flipper sighed and said, "He's right. Swimmer, Slapper, go with Pengy. The rest of you follow me outside. I think I saw a halftrack out there. Join us when you're done. Give me your radio. I'm gonna call for a helicopter."

Pengy slowly opened the door. Seeing that the room was clear, he climbed on top of the desk and began opening the droors. Then he found a file marked, "Operation Discredit America". He opened it, with the help of Swimmer and Slapper, and saw that it outlined Morefield's entire plan. They carried the heavy file to the door and into the hallway when a guard spotted them. Slapper let go of the file and slapped the guard as he was yelling, "The prisoners have escaped! The prisoners have..."

Everyone ran to the door with the file and went outside. When they saw a halftrack full of penguins pull up, they hopped in. Lieutenant Flipper ordered, "All right, you two privates go to the pedals, when yell 'gas' or 'break', push hard on the corresonding pedal. Sergeant Swimmer, get to the steering wheel. I'll get on the dashboard and tell you where you're going. You two! Get to the M6O Machine Gun and reload it when necessary. Corporal Pengy! Man the M6O! Lieutenant Slapper, I saw a couple of CDs on the floor. Let's hear some music. Everyone else, operate the clutch and air conditioner."

They all heard a rumbling sound behind them. It was the Russians. They had entered trucks, motorcycles and jeeps. Flipper shouted, "Put it in Drive! Maximum speed!"
The halftrack sped foward with the Russian vehicles in close pursuit. Flipper commanded, "Pengy! Open Fire! Slapper! Hit 'Play'!"

Suddenly, "Blue (Da ba dee)" began playing.

Pengy remarked, "Oh, I like this song."

Swimmer added, "It never gets old."

Flipper smiled and said, "It is kinda catchy, isn't it?"

BEAK was now being chased 5 motorcycles, 5 trucks, and 2 jeeps. At first, Pengy just sprayed and prayed. Then he realized his eyes were closed. He opened them shot in short bursts, which he found were far more accurate.

Lieutenant Flipper yelled, "Pengy! Hit the engine compartment!"
Pengy did as ordered. The truck exploded. It skidded to a stop, rolled, and landed on its side in the middle of the road. Three of the trucks crashed into it, along with three motorcycles. The rest kept chasing. Pengy continued shooting at the engines. Soon, only the 3 motorcycles were left. Pengy waited for the other penguins to reload his gun, then he opened fire. There was only one motorcycle left. Pengy squeezed the trigger. But nothing happened. He tried a few more times, then yelled, "Reload my gun!"

The BEAK reloaders replied, "There's no more ammunition!"

Flipper turned to Slapper. "Get out the map. We need to get to the extraction point. The helicopter will land any minute."

Slapper found the extraction point circled on the map. "Hey, Sergeant Swimmer! Turn left! We can take a short cut through the Min Feld."

The halftrack jerked to the left. Flipper quickly yelled, "That's a mine field you ding-dong! Swimmer, turn around!"

Eventually they made it to the extraction point, but the motorcycle was close behind. Lieutenant Flipper saw the helicopter in the air and said, "We made it, boys."

But the celebration was short-lived. The halftrack hit a rock and tumbled over. It landed on its side on the soft grass. Pengy was dazed, fighting to keep conscious. He realized he was exhausted. Then he saw the Russian on the motorcycle get off, approach the halftrack, and pull out an AK-47. He aimed it at his team. Pengy was desperate. He had to stop the Russian! Pengy pulled out his Donkey .45 silenced pistol and aimed carefully. With a squeeze of the trigger, he had saved his team. Then he dropped to the ground in exhaustion.

The last thing he saw was the helicopter landing and Flipper picking him up. The last two things he heard was Lieutenant Flipper picking him and saying, "you're gonna be okay." The other thing was the music on the halftrack, which was now play "our God is an awesome God".

Epilogue

John Morefield: He was tried in court and sentenced to life in prison.
The Russians: Their plan backfired. Now Russia was discredited.
Pengy: He was given the Congressional Medal of Black & White, the highest honor to be bestowed on a soldier. Pengy was promptly promoted to Seargeant.
Flipper: He was promoted to Captain and given the Silver Star for leadership under pressure
Swimmer: He was given the Bronze Medal for excellent driving skills and for having a can of spicy hot V8 juice with him on the mission.
Particle Cannon: It was proven an invaluable weapon to the Americans and prevented Russia from invading Europe.
BEAK: The teams continued to complete seemenling impossible tasks for the Terrapenguin government.

Note: The Particle Cannon is not a real American weapon. Whether it is in production... is unknown.

JC Report 8: The Standard

Hello and welcome. It's been a long time. Today, I want to blog about the Bible. In Ephesians 6, It talks about the Amour of God. It likens the Bible to a sword. I have previously found it hard to see the Bible and a sword as synonyms. But then I read my history textbook, and it showed many examples of what happens to a nation when they veer from the Biblical principals.

But before I can list some of those examples, I need to explain the title of my blog: The Standard. What is a standard? Think of it this way. In geometry, every theorem and corollary is based on the one before it. And those theorems are based and axioms. Axioms are principles that are assumed to be true. For example, 1 + 1 = 2. Why is that true? How about pi = 3.14159... Why is that true? I can't answer that. It's just true.

What would happen if one plus one didn't equal two? Then every multiplication and mathematical formula would be invalid. If pi didn't equal 3.14159..., then all the formulae about circles would be irrelevant. If these fundamental axioms of math were not true, then all of the mathematical principles that have been established in the past thousand years would fall apart.

With that in mind, think of the Bible as the moral axiom. I mean, really, what is right? And what is wrong? Murdering is wrong. Why? What is it rooted in? What axiom is it based on? The Bible. It's the foundation of everything righteous.

So what are the consequences of removing the Bible as the standard? On a national scale, it's like removing the foundation of a strong castle. The entire structure collapses. Take France, it was full of God-fearing men and women, the Huguenots. The Huguenots where Frenchmen influenced by the Protestant Reformation. When King Louis XIV declared Protestantism to be illegal, almost all of the Huguenots left. Without Christians, what did that leave in France? Humanists. Naturalists. Atheists. People who wanted to replace the Bible with man's fallible knowledge. That was a recipe for disaster. The bloody French Revolution followed shortly thereafter.

A similar situation happened in Great Britain. It was a mighty nation founded on Biblical principals. For about a century it was the example of a Godly nation. Then it opened itself up to humanist ideas. Evolution. Socialism. Modernism. Britain has never experienced the peak of glory it obtained from the Bible since.

But what happens when a nation is founded on a dependence on God? Enter America. Its Constitution was based on Christian principles. Even its currency gives glory to God: In God we Trust. Throughout the centuries, America showed what man could achieve if it acknowledged that he was dependent on God. Sadly, today, Americans are leaving the Standard. That is why I believe that this country needs a revival. Americans need to realize that nothing can replace God. The Bible needs to be restored as the standard for right and wrong.

In conclusion, the Bible is powerful. It can bring up a nation with its presence, and it can destroy it with its absence. It can defend, and it can attack. Like a sword.

"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."

Mathew 7: 24 -27

Hol. Report 4: Christmas

"Hol" stands for Holiday.


Merry Christmas readers! Watch this: Happy Holidays. Blaa! Choke! Cough! Struggling to breath! Slowly regaining composure... That's better. Just don't say that near me. It's awful. Anyway, you all know what Christmas is really about, but there are still many who think the true meaning of Christmas is getting presents. Now I'll be honest, sometimes I forget the true meaning of Christmas too in the excitement of getting presents.

Usually with presents, the legend of Santa Claus isn't far behind. Where did the name Santa Claus come from? Well, here's my guess. It's a Spanish legend. There was a tiger saint called Claws. It was a female, so it wasn't called San(Spanish masculine form for the word "saint"), but Santa(Spanish feminine form for the word "saint"). Therefore the name "Santa Claws". One day, a newspaper reporter decided to introduce Saint Claws to the American people. But he misspelled it... Santa Clause. Eventually the "e" was dropped off and it got mixed up with Saint Nicholas. Therefore, the name Santa Claus was born!

Well, that's my theory. I don't really have anything special to say for Christmas except that it's rather weird that people say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. Why do they so ardently oppose saying Merry Christmas? Because Christmas has the word "Christ" in it. So they frantically searched for an alternative. The result: Happy Holidays. Now you know.

Another substitute for the truth of Christmas is the true meaning of it. If you watch just three Christmas specials (not including the hallmark channel) on TV, you'll find that they say the true meaning of Christmas is togetherness with family and friends. While that isn't a bad thing, is it a good substitute? No, not just because it excludes Jesus, but because that doesn't apply to everyone. If someone's an orphan, or a starving child in Africa, they don't have any friends and family, do they? So their "true meaning of Christmas" doesn't apply to them. The true meaning of Christmas is something that everyone can experience no matter what their external situation is. They could be poor or rich, sick or well, orphaned or friendless, and still be able to experience the true meaning of Christmas. Even if they're too poor to pay for presents, they can still celebrate the greatest gift of all, Jesus's sacrifice.

As long as you remember what Christmas is really about, you can still have a great Christmas, no matter what. And that lasts longer than any other substitute people may come up with. Christmas celebrates the day Jesus was born to conquer the world. Not like any other earthly ruler, conquering only land, but truly conquering. When Jesus made that sacrifice, he conquered all sickness, broken hearts, bitter anger, and more importantly, sin. That's more than any human could conquer. And I believe that deserves to be commemorated. Merry Christmas! And God bless you all!
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Did You Know? Fact 7

And now... it's time for... Did You Know?

Fact 7: Did you know that the stripes on the Christmas candy cane are symbols of Jesus's sacrifice? You know, "But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed," Isaiah 53:5.

Here's some other food for thought. While many people deny that Jesus ever existed, they are still dependent upon His birth in the respect that the calender is based on it. The year 2008 is approximately 2008 years from the day Jesus was born. And archaeologists need the division of B.C (Before Christ) and A.D (annō Dominī, in the year of our Lord), even though they deny that Jesus was born!


Well... you know it now! And don't forget it!
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DS Report 14: Good Penguins vs. Bad Penguins

This is no ordinary story. Like many of my other stories, it's about penguins. Unlike my other stories, it's about penguins. This continues from the previous blog, so you'd better read that one first. Here it is.

President Maximus was reading the Penguin Daily newspaper when his chinstrap penguin secretary entered. He handed the president a manila envelope and left without a word. The envelope was stamped "Eyes only for the President". Intrigued, the president opened it. It only contained one page. It said,

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Eyes only for the President

Urgent Alert!

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1. The PTO (Penguin Terrorist Organization) have been seen gathering on an Pacific island codenamed "Cobrapenguin".

2. Satellite images show that they have tanks, aircraft, and ships. Our spies report that they may have nuclear weapons.

3. We believe that they are planning a strike on Terrapenguin, Hawaii, and parts of mainland California.

4. Requesting authorization to attack "Cobrapenguin".

5. If no. 4 is denied, requesting that the United States of America be informed and allowed to take action. Preferably nuclear action.

6. Satellite images of "Cobrapenguin" follow.

7. Sorry. Wrong pictures. Cool Marine symbol, though. Here are the real pictures:

8. Have a nice day.

He put down the paper, thought for a moment, and then picked up his red phone. He pushed the button, waited two seconds for a voice, then heard, "Secretary of War, sir."

The president got right to the point, "Get the ships ready. Tell the army to go to Penguin Harbor ASAP. It's time for an amphibious assault. Oh, and contact the Americans, we may need their assistance. g

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Penguin Harbor

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Private Pengy, an adelie penguin, marched with 23 other penguins to the amphibious transport. He and his squad were going to be among the first to land on Cobrapenguin. Those six squads' objective were to cripple the island's radar, communications, and fuel depots before the main attack.

While it was a great honor, it was the most dangerous part of the job. They were going to be outnumbered and outgunned the entire time. The only help they were going to have was a recon plane codenamed "Fuegopenguin". It was an unmanned aircraft scheduled to provide intelligence. The island was full of trees, so satellites wouldn't give very good images.

If all was successful, the enemy wouldn't realize what happened until the attack began... a few hours later.

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The island of Cobrapenguin...

Feathers Beach...

g Operation Sneaky Penguin had begun...
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The amphibious transport landed on Feather's Beach at 0113 hours (1:13 AM). After unloading 24 penguins, the transport headed back to the aircraft carrier. Lieutenant Beaky gathered everyone around him and said, "All right, everyone. We've got a job to do. Team Alpha, you destroy communications tower 1, and then destroy Fuel Depot D. Team Charlie, destroy Fuel Depot A and E. Team Echo, destroy Fuel Depot C and communications tower. Rendezvous back here at 0300 hours (3:00 AM). Move out!

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When the other teams left, Lieutenant Beaky turned to his team and said, "Team Bravo, we'll handle the radar facility and Fuel Depot B. Watch for my flipper signals. (Hand signals). 'Fuegopenguin' should be flying over this sector in a few minutes. When it does, I want corporal Wheezy to radio in for intel. Any questions? Good. Move out!"

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Team Bravo traveled through the jungle for a few minutes when they heard machine gun fire in the distance. Lieutenant Beaky signalled for everyone to be quiet. Then he whispered, "Fuegopenguin should be flying over any moment now. Corporal Wheezy, turn on the radio. We need to be ready for..."

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He was cut off when Fuegopenguin flew over them just 20 yards off the ground. It was on fire. They soon heard a resounding crash. Lieutenant Beaky turned to his troops and said, "Looks like we're going in alone, boys."

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A worried private spoke up. "Without intel., who knows what lies ahead."

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As soon as he said it, a burst of machine gun fire burst over their heads. Lieutenant Beaky ducked and said, "Everyone get to cover! Private Pengy! Help me out! Covering fire!"

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Pengy fired his submachine gun rapidly into the bushes, giving his squadmates time to get to cover. After that, they both got to cover. Then he heard someone yell, "I throwing a grenade! Take cover!"

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A boom followed, then silence. Lieutenant Beaky signaled everyone to assemble. Then he said, "Don't worry, we haven't been discovered. We just ran into a PTO patrol. I want no noise at all. Flipper signals only. Conserve your strength. We have a couple more miles until we reach the radar facility.

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The jungle.

Less than a quarter of a mile

from the radar facility...

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They had been walking for about a half an hour. Pengy knew they were getting close. Soon he heard some talking in the distance. As he got closer, he was able to make out the words:

"No, the cheese ruins the sandwich."

"What do you mean? What's a sandwich without the cheese?"

"It tastes funny."

"Okay, stop talking about cheese. Have the patrols arrived, yet? It's time for the next shift."

"All but one. Patrol 4. It's 15 minutes late. Should we send a search party?"

"No. Let's wait a little longer. They could still come."

Lieutenant Beaky turned to his squad and said, "All right, we have to make this quick. We'll lay down some covering fire while Private Rico sets the explosive charges on the radar. After Rico returns, we high-tail it out of here. Understood?"

Everyone nodded.

"Good. Wait for my signal."

He waited for the penguins to get in position, then yelled, "Suppressing fire!"

Rico jumped out of the bushes and darted toward the radar. As the penguins fired, the enemy penguins called for the troops. Soon we heard a ripple of clink-clink's. Lieutenant Beaky yelled, "Get down! Grenade!"

Several boom's followed. Then silence. Private Pengy wondered if anyone made it. He stuck to his training and lay still. Then he heard some penguins saying,

"I think we got 'em."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, no penguin can lay that still."

"Should we search?"

"Throw a few grenades first."

A few seconds later, he heard another boom. Then the enemy penguins started yelling and screaming to get to cover, Pengy, on impulse, got up and started shooting randomly at the enemy. Private Rico came through the bushes toward him and said, "Thanks for the covering fire. I wasn't sure if my grenade would be enough."

Pengy looked at him in surprise and said, "That was you? I thought they threw it."

Just then, Lieutenant Beaky and the other 3 penguins got up. Pengy was relieved that they were all alive. Lieutenant Beaky signaled them to follow him and ran in the opposite direction of the radar facility. After they had gone a few minutes, they heard an explosion in the distance. The time bomb Rico set had gone off.

Lieutenant Beaky turned to his squad and said, "Well done, boys. Let's head for the fuel depot. First, let me call the rest of the teams. Private Wheezy, hand me the radio. Wheezy handed Beaky the radio, and Beaky radioed in. "Team Alpha, what's your status, over?"

The squad commander replied, "We destroyed communications tower 1 and Fuel Depot D. We're heading back to the beach, over."

Lieutenant Beaky said, "Excellent. Over and out." Then he radioed in a different frequency.

"Team Charlie, what's your status, over?"

"We've destroyed Fuel Depot A. We're now moving toward Fuel Depot E, over."

"Roger that. Over and Out." Pengy tried to pick his nose, but he didn't have one. Lieutenant Beaky tuned into Team Echo's frequency.

"Team Echo, have you destroyed your objectives, over?"

"Yes, sir. And we've discovered that our maps are inaccurate. Fuel Depot C, our target, is actually only one mile away from your target, Fuel Depot B. WE destroyed it also. Heading back to the beach, over."

"Copy that. We're heading back to the beach. Over and out." Pengy tried to scractch his ears, but he didn't have those either.

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The Cirlular Office.

President Penguinus Maximus.

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Maximus's secretary passed him two more pages of notices. After the secretary left, he looked at the first one:

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Highly Classified

Diplomatic Notice

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1. Hundreds of zoos across America are willing to take any captured PTO penguins.

2. The Americans can spare 30 U.S. Marines to herd the penguins into an American cargo ship.

3. The Americans have one nuclear missile ready if the situation gets dire.

4. Happy Birthday.

5. Wait, it's not your birthday.

6. Happy Thanksgiving.

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Maximus thought, "Great. Now we won't have to squeeze over 500 penguins into our small jail. Suffocation would be a problem. Hmm... Happy Thanksgiving... a little late... or early... depending on when you read this."

He turned to the other page:

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Top Secret

Secret Files

1. The PTO acquired its weapons from numerous terrorist organizations.

2. A list of these organizations, their leaders, and their locations is on the island of Cobrapenguin.

3. Nuclear action is discouraged, as the list could be destroyed.

4. Suggesting that you continue with the original plan. Operation Snake Killer.

5. Can I borrow your tic-tacs?

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He picked up his red phone and waited for an answer.

"Hello, sir. Can I borrow those tic-tacs?"

"Tell General Skipper to continue with Operation Snake Killer. And tell the Americans to send their marines ASAP."

"Okay. Uh, sir? Can I have the tic-tacs? I forgot to brush my teeth this morning."

He sighed and said, "Fine, you can have the tic-tacs... wait! Penguins don't have teeth!"

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Epilogue

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The operation was a complete success. The PTO was all but destroyed. Small remnants of resistance still existed, but they posed no large threat. 2nd Lieutenant Beaky was promoted to 1st Lieutenant and given the silver star for the success of operation Sneaky Penguin. Private Pengy was promoted to corporal and joined the Bureau of Experienced and Advanced Kommandos. Private Rico joined the bomb squad and was given the bronze star for bravery at the radar installation. President Penguinas Maximus was reelected the next year. Of the 500 penguins delivered to American zoos, 29 escaped and headed for Zimbabwe, Puerto Rico, and Mozambique. The marines who saw to the delivery of the enemy penguins were all promoted to make up for the ridiculous assignment.

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Note: The satellite photos were courtesy of me and Alisa San Vicente.

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DS Report 13: The Rise of the Penguins

The Renegade Penguin Part 2: The Rise of the Penguins.
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As told in Downright Silly Report 12, the renegade penguin was sent to the San Diego Seaworld Penguin Exhibit for ten years. And now, I will tell you what happened on September 22, 2007. My little brother Joshua had his first birthday. But more importance to the story, the Great Penguin Escape occurred. It was the biggest and most successful escape from an animal exhibit since the Armadillo Escape of 1995. Fifteen armadillos escaped, but only two made out of the zoo. They were later recovered in Zimbabwe, Africa.
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But this was different. 50 penguins, 22 puffins, and 13 sea turtles escaped on September 22, 2007. They escaped by building a tunnel that connected the penguin exhibit and the puffin exhibit to the outdoor sea turtle exhibit. When a 85 marine animals suddenly poured out from a hole in the turtle exhibit... pandemonium.
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The Sea World employees quickly grabbed their nets and turned on the homing devices attached to each animals' tag. All 22 puffins and 13 sea turtles were recovered. However, the penguins were smart enough to remove their tags. Eight penguins were captured. The rest made it out and stole mini-vans, SUV's, and field-trip school buses.
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The remaining 42 penguins took over Coronado island and established their own republic. Since Sea World had payed millions of dollars to the American Penguin Factory for the last 42, the United States military wasn't authorized to use nuclear weapons. The penguins called their country, Terrapenguin, after the land where the American Penguin Factory was originally located. Unfortunately, the Renegade Penguin rigged the election and established a dictatorship. Common penguins were denied pilot's and sailor's licences, keeping the penguins trapped on the island. Only the SPP (Secret Penguin Police) were allowed common rights. But the common penguins rose up against the evil dictator and established a representative government.
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The first president, Penguinus Maximus, retained good relations with the Americans and paid Sea World for the lost penguins. In an effort to make up with the Americans, who now had no reason to not nuke the penguins, he allowed certain parts of his land to be used by American businesses. Such businesses are: Buck Research Facility in Penguinville, Aardvark Enterprises, in Feathersburg, Babies Inc. in Albino, and Turtle Co. in San Pico. Because of this, the Penguins have avoided destruction.
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The Renegade Penguin is now spending ten years in the Terrapenguin Country Jail. This is how the country of Terrapenguin was born. This is a history of... the rise of the penguins.
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Note: There's Terrapenguin, the country, with the capital in Penguinville, and there's Terrapenguin, the city, in the country of the Republic of Joshua. You may be wondering, "Where is the Republic of Joshua?". Well, that's a story to be told another day. Right now, I've got to go read my book. I only have 35 minutes left. Wait, only have 34 minutes left. Hope you enjoyed this blog.
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Did You Know? Fact 6

And now.. It's time for... Did You Know?


Fact 6: Did you know that the process of how Texas became a state was an undeniable act of Providence? Let me tell you about it. This is a story about an Indiana farmer named Jameson Shoemaker. Although it's about an Indiana farmer, to tell the story the best way, I'm beginning in the year 1845, Texas...

The office of Sam Houston,
president of Texas...

Sam watched the road impatiently, waiting for a rider. That rider would be carrying a very important message that could change the lives of everyone in Texas. While Sam was staring out the window, his secretary, by the name of Jim Burns, came to him and said, "Here's the document grantin' the 24 penguins to Texas for use as bowling pins, sir. Uh, sign here."

Sam turned from the window and signed the document, after which he re-glued his eyes to the window. Mr. Burns noticed this and asked, "Something the matter, sir? If you're waiting for the rider, I can tell you now, standing and watching won't make it happen any faster."

"I know, Burns. But I wanna know the minute he arrives..."
"Too late, he already made it da the door."
"How'd you come by that?"
"Why, he just knocked, didn't ya hear?"
"No," Sam chuckled. "I guess I didn't. Let's see him in, shall we?"
Sam opened the door to a tired young man. Sam smiled and said, "Greetin's, I'm President Sam Houston. And you are?"
"I'm Phil Mannings, sir, and I b'lieve yers be wantin' this here message."
Sam nodded and said, "Go git yerself somethin' to eat and rest. It looks like you've had quite a journey."

Phil frowned and said, "Beggin' yer pardon, sir, but... well, I'm a Texan, too."
Sam chuckled and said, "Good man. Let's read yer message." Mr. Burns interjected, "S'cuse me, sir, but thars quite a crowd waitin' for the news as well. Theys all gathered in front of this very buildin' as we speak."
Sam raised an eyebrow and said, "Well, wadda'ya know. Looks like we have more people to tell about this than ourselves. Let's go."

Outside, the crowd cheered when Sam Houston came out with the message. Sam took a deep breath and said loudly, "My friends, because this message is importance to all of us, I didn't feel right about reading it alone. So I, like you, will be reading this for the very first time."
Sam unrolled the paper and read aloud, "To the honorable Sam Houston, I bring you greetings from Washington to Texas, the 28th, and newest state in the Union!" He paused while the crowd cheered.

Sam continued, "He goes on to say, 'When we meet next, I will tell you the many miraculous events surrounding this momentous occasion, but I must tell you of one now. Senator Harragin, a man I believed to be against us, cast is vote in our favor. When the votes were counted, Texas had indeed become a state by a margin of one vote! I don't know why Harragin cast his vote for Texas statehood, I only thank God for it. As should all citizens of the new state of Texas.'!"

But wait, Harragin was a senator, naturally his vote is going to make a
difference. But what about the local representatives?
We now move back a few years back to the state
of Indiana. It was during a state legislature vote.

Madison Marsh sighed and said, "John, Tyler, you are my advisers. It's time for you two to earn your money. Who do you think I should vote for?"
John spoke first. "Well, I believe it's obvious. The new Indiana senator should be Zummwald."
Tyler, shocked, said, "Zummwald! He's a crook. He stole 55 penguins from the South Carolina Penguin Factory last summer and blamed it on an unknown 36-year old man name Abraham Lincoln! He cannot be trusted! That is why you should vote for Rothchild."
John interjected, "Rothchild?!"
Tyler shot back, "Yes, Rothchild! He certainly has more political experience than Zummwald."
"Yes, but he's against everything we stand for. With Zummwald, he will protect our state..." "And then steal right from under our noses! Sir, I beg you, vote for Rothchild!"
"Zummwald, sir! Vote for Zummwald!"

"That's enough," said Madison. "I think you're forgetting there's another choice: Harragin."
Tyler and John both chuckled. John spoke next. "Harragin untried, untested. No one knows what his views are..."
Tyler interrupted. "That is exactly why you should vote for Rothchild."
Before either of them could speak, a man yelled, "It's time to vote! It's time to vote! Everyone take their seats!"
Madison got up and said, "Thank you, gentlemen. I now know exactly who to cast my ballot for."

After everyone voted, a man got up and said, "I counted the votes and there seems to be a problem. We're locked in a three-way tie. Since Mr. Sneezy is ill, and Mr. Grumpy is absent, the deciding vote falls to you, Mr. Marsh. What do you say?"

Madison got up, took a deep breath and said, "I have given this matter great thought, and I choose... Harragin.

Amazing, huh? But what about a normal person?
Does their vote matter? It's time to come to the main
character of this story: Jameson Shoemaker.

Jameson was plowing in his fields one day when he heard yelling. It was his neighbor Reynolds. Jameson stopped plowing and said, "What are you doing here? And why are yelling like a Slovakian gorilla?"
Reynolds stopped yelling and said, "You know me, I always get this way on 'Lection Day!"
"Getting some early celebrating?"
"Beg pardon?"
"Election Day is not until tomorrow, Reynolds!"
"Now, I don't doubt your word none, but if ain't Election Day, there sure a lot of folks in town voting for no reason."
"What!? You sure?"
"Sure I'm sure. Cast one of the ballots myself."
"It's Election Day and I'm still out here plowing. Can you do me a favor, Reynolds?"
"Oh, sure, anything. I'd like to redeem my title as a Slovakian gorilla."
"Help be put my plow back to the barn. I gotta get to town!"

In town, at the polls...

Peter and Walter sat at the polls waiting for anymore voters. Walter complained, "Why can't we leave now?"
Peter answered, "We still got five minutes. Da poll is supposed ta close at 5:00. It is now 4:55, if we close now, we'd be breaking da rules."
"But I've already counted all the votes, nobody else is going to come. Besides we're all out of ballots."
"That don't matter one little bit. We gotta keep dis poll open until 5:00. And 5:00 is how long dis poll is going to stay open."
"I'm telling ya, no one else is coming."

Just then, Jameson ran in and said, "Am I too late?"
Peter smiled and said, "No, sir. You surely ain't."
Walter scowled and said, "But we ain't got no more official ballots."
Jameson, still panting, said, "Well, what do we do, then?
Peter looked up from his rule book and said, "Da rule book don't say nothing about the ballot having to be official. Here, take this piece of paper and write the name of da one you wanna vote for."
Walter spoke next. "Can you write?"
Jameson answered indignantly, "Yes, I can."
After he wrote down his vote, Peter announced, "And just in time, this poll is now officially closed."
Walter muttered, "It's about time. Here, give it here."
Peter sat up straight and said, "No, ya don't!"
Walter looked at Peter and said, "You slapped my hand! What did you do that fer?"
"You know as well as I do that that ain't official procedure. All votes gotta go in the ballot box."
"But that's just silly. I'm the one who takes it out of the ballot box. Why can't we just save a step and hand it to me?"
"Because dat would be breaking da rules."
"Ya just said dat da poll was closed."
"It is. But dat don't got anything to do with where da ballot goes after da vote."
"Fine." Walter placed the paper in the box and said sarcastically, "Can I take it out now?"
"Yep."
Walter read the paper and wrote it down on another piece of paper.
Peter suddenly said, "Well?"
Walter replied, "Well, what?"
Jameson spoke up, "Who won?!"
Walter sat up straight and said, "I'm pleased to announce that the new man for the Indiana legislature is... Mr. Madison Marsh."

Jameson was shocked and said, "Madison... Mada... Mooda... Madison Marsh?! Why, he's the guy I just voted for!"
Peter smiled and said, "Well, congratulations, I'm glad your man won."
Walter turned to Peter and said, "Not half as glad as Madison's gonna be when he finds out dat you voted for him."
Peter asked, "Why?"
Walter showed Jameson the paper and said, "Look this is how many vote Madison got: 218. And this is how many votes his opponent got: 217."
Jameson looked up in shock and said, "But that means that I... I..."
Walter finished his sentence, "Your homemade ballot put Madison into office." Peter leaned back in his chair and said, "Well, whaddaya know. Ain't dat something?"
Jameson stared into space and said barely above a whisper, "Yeah."
Walter spoke next. "Wha... What's the matter?"
Jameson looked at Walter and said, "I just hope I made the right choice."
Peter smiled and said, "Time will tell. It surely will."

Back to the narrator...

Shoemaker voted for Marsh, who won by one vote. And Marsh voted for Harragin, who won by one vote. And Harragin voted for Texas statehood, which won by one vote. One ordinary man with one ordinary vote was directly responsible for Texas becoming a state. But it wasn't just Jameson's vote that mattered. If any one of those other 217 decided not to vote, it would resulted in a tie. That's what happens when people care enough to get involved in our country's affairs. I believe that the upcoming election will as even greater then the vote of Jameson Shoemaker. I believe massive prayer and fasting will trigger a divine act of God.

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Note: This story is true. All of the names except Sam Houston, Harragin, Madison Marsh, and Jameson Shoemaker. are either made-up or cannot be verified. This blog was sponsored by the American Penguin Factory and Babies Incorporated.
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Well, you know it now! And don't you forget it!
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WITA Report 1: Daylight Savings

"WITA" stands for "What I Thing About..."
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Daylight Savings Day is better that Spring Forward. Do you know why?
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Example: Your day is 7:00 A.M. - 9:00 P.M. In Fall Back, it gets moved to 6:00 A.M. - 8:00 P.M. This allows you to feel like you're getting another hour of sleep waking up 7:00, when it feels like 8:00. It feels like you get to stay up another hour at 10:00, when it's really 9:00.
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Whereas at Spring Forward, what's normally 7:00 A.M. - 9:00 P.M., turns to 8:00 A.M. - 10:00 P.M. But your bedtime stays at 9:00. So when you go to bed at 9:00, it feels like 8:00. When you wake up at 7:00, it feels 6:00.
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And that's... What I Think About... "Daylight Savings"!
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This information was gathered by the Buck Research Facility in Penguinville, Terrapenguin.z
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#1 Blog Ends... So sad.

Davy's Blog... is over. That's right. A blog ends if the person says so or hasn't blogged in 365 days. Davis has met the latter qualification. His first blog was called "Football". His last blog was called "Wakeboard Pro." My personal favorite blog is "John West Salmon". He had no polls, and went by the name of LT-man21. I waited 365 days for him to blog, but it never happened. I officially proclaim the blog of Davis O. Tisdale: Dead.
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This blog was sponsored by the American Penguin Factory and Aardvark Enterprises. Babies Inc. couldn't donate because it was busy working on a project to recall all the pacifiers it sold and changing them to nuclear version. Munchkin Enterprises never sponsored this blog. It was all a hoax. Sorry about that. I will blog later about these companies.
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